Here I fixed it
Engineer and Anti-vaxxer come to the bridge
Anti-vaxxer says to the engineer: Is it safe to cross the bridge? Engineer: It is 99,97% safe to cross that bridge. Anti-vaxxer: I'd rather swim.
What did the Power Ranger say after being sent to the hospital?
It's morphine time.
Felt like this belongs here
I don’t know what it is about the straight response but I find it hilarious
What do you after an Apple turns bad?
You open windows.
I’ve been saying “mucho” more often when talking to my Hispanic friends…
It means a lot to them…
I call my hand Handy and my foot Footy. What do I call my dick?
Useful. Because it always comes in Handy.
It really do be like that
A college economics professor was up for tenure…
At the review, his dean was berating the veteran prof for having used the same final exam for the past 20 years. "Don't you realize, professor, that the students have been sharing these tests for decades and that they all know EXACTLY what questions are on the test before they sit for it?" "That doesn't matter," replied the professor, "It's Economics, every year I just keep changing the ANSWERS."
NSFW.. PANTIES for sale..
My girlfriend says our lovemaking is so bad because I’m so easily distracted!…
Ah well..back to it I suppose
Just why. Why why why why why why why…
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,
“You know, one would have been enough.”
Found one on Instagram
Register to Vote
A girl reached into my pants today and said
I know there is a joke here but I can't find it.
A cute girl at work said she’d only go on a date with me on a day that doesn’t end in ‘Y’.
I said, “Great! I’ll pick you up tomorrow!”
Don’t touch it
“I’m sure my wife won’t like this”
While riding my motorbike, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head. Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?" As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with cleavage to die for… "I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look. She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.” "That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!" "Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly." Well, she was pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this." We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now." "Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?" "Still in the ditch with the motorbike, I guess."
3 vampire brothers want to see who is the strongest
The first brother flies off at 100mph and comes back 10 minutes later. His mouth was covered in blood. “You see the mansion over there?” Said the first brother, “I sucked everybody in there dry.” The second vampire said “That’s nothing” and flew off at 150mph and came back 5 minutes later with his nose and mouth covered in blood. “You see the village over there?” Said the second vampire brother, “I sucked everybody’s blood dry!” The third vampire said “That’s nothing!” And flew off at 200mph and came back 10 seconds later, his whole face and shirt DRENCHED in blood. “Woah, what happened?” Said the first brother. “Well, you see that tree over there?” Said the third vampire. “Yeah?” Replied the other brothers, “I didn’t.”
Long Live the SOUTH
What do you give a sick lemon?
Let me get this straight…
I went to the shop the other day to buy six cans of Sprite.
It was only when I got home that I realised I had picked 7 Up.
Looks like October is…. Octover
No text found
It’s just a prank, bro
no one could have predicted this
A limbo champion walks into a bar
He gets disqualified
Hi IQ meme
Someone pissed someone else off.
Just a thought
I called the doctor, “My Wife is going into labor! What should I do?”
“Is this her first child?” He asks. “No this is her Husband.”
Why was F jealous of C?
Because it was hotter
Why did the twin elephants have to leave the beach?
They only had a pair of trunks!
Man Iran makes mistakes all the time
An interesting title
The funniest part is the size of that number
Life before the computer
What are paramedics favorite gaming console?
Wii U!!! Wii U!! Wii U!!
I’m very confused right now
What do drugs have in common with cheese jokes?
I don't know, I just like meth and feta memes.
Even an electron is more powerful than me
thanks for making my website somewhat useable
I think this belongs here
umm…Lewis, are you alright?
Because sometimes they publish a real thriller of an article
My wife always accuses me of having a favorite child.
It's not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.
I’ll never forget my Dad’s final words
"Son, toss me that hatchet"
I hired the most obese personal assistant I could find.
She’s a really big help.
What happened to the barber after he got caught on fire?
He got side burns.
Behind every one-liner there are the tears of many
“We did the biggest death. Many are saying the best most death they’ve ever seen”
I pushed a chinese person down a flight of stairs
It was wong on so many levels
And still no mask
And doing drugs
Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker?
He wanted a well-balanced meal.
Rare possitive boomer comic
Kids are dirty