Because they are so good at it.
As she rode by. She looked at me, gave me the finger, and turned back around and promptly plowed her bike into the cow. I tried.
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, and women will flock to him". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM!!! she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM!!! she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack." Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them. Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good. Male readers: Please scroll down… The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife. Moral of the story: Women think they're really smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show. Note: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen.
Because they had a fight and 71.
I know there is a joke here but I can't find it.
Then she plowed her bike straight into the cow.
r/NASAmemesFeel free to join if you’re interested!
He's sat at his local, looking kind of miserable. The barman says "Hey, how ya doin'? You don't look so good …". The guy replies "Last night … Last night was the worst night of my life." "Oh really?" says the barkeep, "How bad can it be?" So the guy tells his story: "Last night, I had a drink or two, down at Sally's bar. Ya know Sally? with the big …?" "Yeah, I know Sally", says barman. "So I was down there, just having a couple … Feeling pretty good, and Sally says to me, she says 'Hey, I want to close up early. Why don't ya come back with me back to my place?'" "Wow, says the barman. That's not a bad night" "Wait for it, I haven't finished yet. We go back to her place. She's clearly feeling frisky. I try it on a bit, yankow. Ease over on the couch. She jumps at it. Rips my clothes off. Rips her clothes off. We jump on the bed and start going at it. So we're bangin' away, ooohin' and Ahhhin'." "Hey that's pretty good. Sally is a very nice girl. What a night" says barman. "Wait, I haven't finished yet. So we're goin' at it, Ooohin' and ahhhin'. You'll never guess what happens." "What happened?" says barkeep. "There's a sound of keys in the door. It's her boyfriend. She says 'Oh no, quick, he's crazy. You've got to hide'. So I look for a place, but there's nothing. I end up out on the window ledge, hanging from me fingers. It's pitch black, cold outside, the wind is whipping passed my ass and I'm freezing to death!" "Oh I see the problem", sasy barman. "Wait, I haven't finished yet. The guy walks in, sees Sally on the bed naked, jumps in straight away. And they're banging away and ooohin'n'aaaahin'. And I'm stuck outside, pitch black, hanging from me finger tips, freezing cold, wind whipping passed my ass, and i'm freezing to death." "Oh, that's bad." "Wait, I haven't finsihed yet. So suddenly, the guy stops. Says 'Sally, sorry but I got take a piss.' Instead of going to the toilet like a normal person, he opens the window, takes a piss out the window. So I'm hanging from me finger tips, it's pitch black, freezing cold, piss dripping passed me ears, wind whipping passed my ass, and i'm freezing to death." "Oh no … " says barman. "Wait, I haven't finished yet. The guy finishes, goes back to the bed, jumps on top of Sally, and they're bangin' away and oohin' and aaahin'. You'll never guess what happens. He stops again, says 'Sally, look, I'm feeling a little woozy. I have to throw up'. Instead of going to the toilet like a normal person, he opens the window, upchucks his guts out. So I'm hanging there, it's pitch black, freezing cold, piss dripping down me neck, vomit plopped on top of my head, wind whipping passed my ass, and i'm freezing to death." "Oh please no" says the barman, looking a bit uneasy. "Wait I haven't finished yet. He finishes, goes back all fresh, jumps on top of Sally, and they're bangin' away and oohin' and aaahin'. You'll never guess what happens. He stops again, says 'Sally, look, I'll be done in a second. I need to take a dump'. Instead of going to the toilet like a normal person, he sticks his ass out the window … anyway, so I'm hanging there, it's pitch black, freezing cold, piss dripping down me chest, vomit gooping round me ears, a shit plopped on top of my head, wind whipping passed my ass, and i'm freezing to death." "Oh, let it stop" says the barkeep. "Wait I haven't finished yet. The guy finishes, goes back to Sally, they're bangin' away, oohin'0n0aaaahin'. And finally they're done. they go to sleep. At that point, dawn appears, the sun comes up. It's day time. And I'm hangin' there, freezing cold, piss dripping down me legs, vomit oozing down my back, a shit sliding round me ears, wind whipping passed my ass, I'm freezing to death, and I'm six inches off the ground."
He was a real tan gent.
Just so I can say the words “Your Honor, clearly my client is not a flight risk.”
Not unless you count Dracula
So I suggested Kay and Elle.
Once a DOCTOR and an ENGINEER entered a chocolate store… While they were busy looking around,doctor stole 3 chocolate bars… As they left the store, doctor said to Engineer : "Man! I'm the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me. You can't beat that" Engineer replied: "You wanna see something better? Let's go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing" So they went to the counter and Engineer said to the Shop boy: "Do you wanna see magic..?" The Shop boy replied: "Yes..!!!" Engineer said: "Give me one chocolate bar!" The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it… He asked for the second, and he ate that as well.. He asked for the third, and finished that one too… The shop boy asked: "But where's the magic..?" Engineer replied: "Check in my friend's pocket, and you'll find them..!!!"
They LIED. Everybody else had clothes on!
Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it…
But when I got home, the tables were turned…
"In honor of this holy season," he said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "This represents a candle," he said. "Very well, you may pass through the pearly gates," said Saint Peter. The second man reached into his pockets and pulled out a set of keys. They jingled as he shook them and he said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said, "You may also enter heaven." The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. Saint Peter looked at the man, puzzled. "And just what do those symbolize?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. The man replied, "These are Carol's."
When you’re eating a watermelon.
I know it's hard to believe, but I saw it with my own two eyes.
Or did you just take my breath away?
So I added fruit and lemonade to it and now she's sangria than ever
After their 11th child, a Kentucky couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So, the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Kentucky) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10. The Kentuckian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me. ''Trust me,' said the doctor. So, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count! "1" "2" "3" “4” "5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand. This procedure also works in Tennessee, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Parts of Georgia, Missouri, West Virginia, and all of Washington DC.
That’s how you know they’re a keeper.
It came completely out of the purple…
But don't worry, I'm 0K.
All that time, and nothing to chauffeur it…
I woke up exhausted.
“Sir, please stop writing separate checks for every single item.”
One will see you later and the other will see you in a while