He now has a rare medium well done
The man handed the baby back to the doctor. "Then bring me the one my wife did make."
Not happy !
A private tooter.
She looked surprised
The psychiatrist says "Well I can clearly see your nuts"
Sorry, just practicing.
Nice shirt. Wow. A second nice shirt. OK, first shirt again. He has two shirts.
Btw – Verb, not Adjective
It got toad.
They’re inconsistent seas.
Same middle name.
They’re changing their name to Knockers.
A pithon Happy pi day
"Help, I've fallen, and I cant giddy up!"
Because science works.
You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!
Son – “No, it is cotton. Here,” as he reaches his arm out to me and I touch his sleeve. Dad – “It’s felt now.”
A woman was out golfing and hit the ball deep into the woods. When she went to look for it she found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to." The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack." Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them. Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue to feel good. Male readers: Please scroll down. The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife. Moral of the story: Women think they're really smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show. Note: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen.
Dad: "I don't know…where are my dad glasses?"
I spotted my ex girlfriend across the hall of the museum, but I was too self conscious to go say hello.
There was just too much history between us.
You can hide, but you can’t run.
Because they make up everything!
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
They take everything literally
It's fine to have one and it's fine to be proud of it, but please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around… and PLEASE don't try to shove it down my child's throat.