He’s not wrong doe
One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.
I said, "$9 in bitcoins, why would you want $67 in bitcoins?"
Not because they don’t have it, but because they can’t figure out how to read the tests.
They always take things literally.
They've been keeping me off the streets for years.
Their words, not mine.
I replied “what’s wrong? you don’t like inside jokes?”
Can't wait to see his face light up, when he opens it.
So the Bar tender says “Hey man, whats with the wheel?” so the Pirate tells him “Arrrr, its Drivin’ me nuts!”
Salt and Peppa
At her parents house. Her father after being woken by the noises goes upstairs to check it out, and walks in on them. "Dad!" she exclaimed in a panic "…I'm sorry" The dad being a dad replies "hi sorry, I'm Dad!" He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you fucking sorry?"
Smallpox HAPPY TURKEY DAY!
It had a bison.
AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING."
I can never get a straight answer.
I had my first parachute jump today and was so terrified! This guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the plane and as we plummeted, he said…
"So, how long have you been an instructor?"
when I got there, everyone else was in tuxedos.
If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
Because they cantaloupe. Courtesy of me sick and loopy at the grocery store.
It had an ex axis, and a why axis.
Gag My wife told me this one to me. Not my joke
Or at least that's what I read in her diary
I’ve been reading ‘Lord Of The Rings’ and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life…
Must be the same ring I put on when I got married…