He’s our king. When he cums he
Because otherwise, it’s FUCKING RAW!!!
Good Dad, terrible geologist.
She sells Seychelles on the see-saw.
Because then it would be a foot
…said it was only used from time to time.
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It was quite the oar deal.
You run away. Turns out you can't just stop cold turkey.
"Yes sir, the heat tends to kill them."
Dad: clenches fist Mom: DON’T Dad: sweats profusely Mom: … Dad: HI GAY I’M DAD
the shower gets turned on.
Yoda:”Off course, we are.”
“Are you still holding the ladder!?”
A new business is opening and one of the owner’s friends wants to send him flowers for the occasion.
They arrive at the new business site and the owner reads the card: “Rest in Peace.” Understandably the owner is angry and calls the florist to complain. After he tells the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he is, the florist replies, “Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this. Somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, ‘Congratulations on your new location.’”
I guess you can say they own a monopoly.
The other says “Yes, i think it’s these wicker chairs”.
It caused quite the revolution back then.
At halftime it's Maroon 5 Patriots 3 Rams 0
My uncle doesn't fuck around when playing Monopoly
Private Smith: “Thank you, Sir!”
A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's navigation and communications equipment. Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to get back to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building with lights on and flew toward it, the pilot had the passenger draw a handwritten sign reading, "WHERE AM I?", and hold it up for the building's occupants to see. People in the building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said, "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the passenger asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the Microsoft support building, they gave me a technically correct but entirely useless answer."