He’s right you know
I don't know why.
Their words, not mine.
She yells STAMPEDE!!! And threw a handful of animal crackers at me. I'm giggling like a schoolgirl.
But I'm Russian, so I'm voting Trump
I'm asking for a friend.
"I said Trump/Pence."
"It was pointless."
…so I stopped seeing her for a little while.
It get’s jalapeño face…
These are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean.
Fair enough it was her sister's but still…
It gets jalapeño face.
Mother Superior: "Sister Maria, if you walk through town at night, and you're accosted by a man with bad intentions, what would you do?" Sister Maria: "I would lift my habit, mother Superior." Mother Superior (shocked): "And what would you do next?" Sister Maria: "I would tell him to drop his pants." Mother Superior: (even more shocked) "And what then?" Sister Maria: "I would run away. I can run much faster with my habit up than he with his pants down."
The doctor says it’ll be a few weeks before I can use my ankle again.
In my dad•a•base
My pronouns are He/Hee
"Dad, what is the difference between confident and confidential?" The dad replies: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend next door is also my son, that is confidential."
Son: Why did you do that? Father: So you will not be bored there.
No text found
The barista told me it was fresh ground.
A garbage truck.
.. they would eventually find me attractive
Number One with a Pullet.
We had some drinks, cool guy, says he wants to be a web-developer
I’d probably only drive it from time to time…
You can do everything right but other people can still fuck you over.
Two piss-drunk men visited a brothel. The madam takes a look at them and tells her manager: Go and put inflatable dolls in their bedrooms. These guys are too drunk to notice. After finishing their act, on their way back……… 1st drunk: I think my girl was dead as she never made a noise or made a move. Upon this, the 2nd drunk says: Mine was worse……. I think she was a witch!!! 1st drunk: Why would you say that??? 2nd drunk: Well i gave her a little love bite on her bum…..She farted in my face and flew out of the window! Edit: wow! Frontpage. This blew up like the doll! I can't correct the typos. My apologies.