He now makes me pay in advance
"Are you fucking serious?!" asks Ron. "Yeah…that too," says Harry.
Well, some people think its 'R', but that's just a hurtful stereotype. Other people say that their true love is the 'C' which I can certainly understand… But I find that it's actually the letter 'P', cause without it they're just irate.
One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all of the state capitals." One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" "N," she answered.
My friend said, “Congratulations on your new job. How did you get it?” I replied, “The same way the Virgin Mary got Jesus.” He laughed, “A miracle?!”
I said, "No. Sex that I can't tell anyone about."
Right now I really hope that is a woman's penis
but it just made it more sluggish.
It was a booby trap
They don’t have the guts.
A Juan on Juan
Those damn mooselimbs.
He said, "Thanks, a lot".
"I don't get porn, why would you watch 2 people have sex?" she asked, then I reply "Two?" she looks surprised and I add "People?"
To the dock.
Unfortunately for him, screaming “mercy” at the top of his lungs only hastened the process.
When I called from my buddies phone she answered “hey love”. She already knew it was me.
I was wrong on many levels
it was accidental
It was cooked in Greece
My wife: I can’t stand living with him. He’s too literal. Me: My truck.
I think she's a keeper.
…they don't believe in me.
“I never knew my real ladder.”
I will preface this by saying I work in IT. The other day we were watching tv when my son started playing in front of the screen. The first statement I could come up with was “you’ve got to sit down your dad’s not a glassmaker” My wife’s response was “but he does work with Windows” I am a proud husband.
Those are the the pie rates of the Caribbean
I am not poking fun at anyone for being lower income, you can tell by the picture it’s a nice home. But in my search for a home I found this house and their master “bathroom” really sold me.https://imgur.com/j1345OnPlease post all potty IT jokes