Hey girl are you HTTP?
Because you're really insecure
I’m not shaking hands because everyone is out of toilet paper and hand sanitizer.
A light snack
But when i do, he usually laughs
A lot of black people would try to mug me
….thank you for the dad jokes. They may not all make us die laughing and some we've heard you tell a million times over, but the one thing they have in common is that they're told in kindness and they put a little smile on our faces. And living in this crazy world, that's a very good thing. I love you dad.
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He said I have to start paying in advance
He's got 2020 vision.
They were cooked in Greece.
They'll get over it.
Dear Sir, We have terminated your internet service due to illegal copyright violation practices. Sincerely, Your ISP
I wish I could post it in another subreddit
If you mix a lion and a tiger you get a liger. If you mix a horse and a donkey you get a mule. What happens when you mix an orangutan and a lawyer?
Nothing. The lawyer doesn't have enough human DNA.
I wrote the names of everyone I’ve unfriended onto a piece of paper; but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint.
Now he’s high on my list of people I never want to see again.
He should see my new mouse pad.
It was a race to the Finnish.
The correct term is "turd-world countries".
The horse-pital. No I’m kidding they get shot
They said it would be like winning the lottery. To my horror they were right, we had six matching balls.
They all have their faults.
The bartender asks “Don’t you mean a martini?” In response the Roman says “If I wanted a double I’d have asked for it!”
It’s all over town.
Outlaws are Wanted…
Because the meat was Chewie.
A gallon of water. Butane is a lighter fluid.
He got charged with Brie Larceny
People around you will socially distance from you automatically.
He’s now Aware Wolf
They both liked what they saw and decided to go back to his place. One thing led to another, and soon they gravitated to the bedroom and proceeded to undress. The first thing he removed was his socks and shoes. She noted his feet were withered and crooked. When asked, he responded that when he was six, he contracted toe-lio. She looked at him confused. “You mean polio?” He shook his head and replied, “No…toe-lio.” He then took off his pants. His knees were knobby and gnarled. She asked him what was up with that. He told her, “When I was eight, I got the kneesles.” “You mean measles?” “No…kneesles.” Then he removed his underwear. She sighed… “Let me guess. When you were ten, you got small cocks?”
My partner thinks Adidas, but I think Reebok is a good name for a baby boy.
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"No, it would be against my code of ethics," says the doctor. "Please, just one kiss," begs the woman. "It's completely out of question," he goes on. "I shouldn't even really be having sex with you."