I've been nervous for weeks, but I finally decided to introduce them to my Spanish girlfriend My kids refused to talk to her and my wife started crying and told me to pack my things
Dip both your hands in fresh cow dung before going out. This will make sure that a) you will not touch your eyes, nose, ear or mouth. b) nobody will shake hands with you. c) Nobody will come near you when you are out in the streets. d) You will wash your hands thoroughly before you eat.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
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Then you’ll get a, “Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis!"
But they were having trouble installing windows.
Thanks for nothing!
Would it be called a Dodge Chargeable
The interviewer asked him if he was allergic to anything. He replies " Yes caffeine, I can't drink coffee," "OK," the interviewer says " Have you been in the military?" The man answers " Yes I was in Iraq for two years." The interviewer says " OK that will give you 5 points toward employment," then he asks " Are you disabled in any way?" The man says " Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles." The interviewer says " OK, you are a disabled veteran. That adds 5 more points to your employment. You're hired. Work is from 8am to 4pm and we expect you here at 10am. The man says " Wait, if work starts at 8am, why should I come in at 10?" The interviewer replies " Well, for the first two hours we just drink coffee and scratch our balls. No point in you coming for that"
It really makes my day.
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…except send me notifications that there's a new version of itself.
Arse skin for a friend.
Mom: Don't settle for this, you deserve better.. Me: But mom, I lov….. Mom: I was talking to her.
One is a Goodyear, one is a great year.
The x and y axes are pretty cool but not the plot itself. That’s where I draw the line.
BUT MY KEYBOARD WAS BROKEN.
All that was left was de Brie.
Currently staying at a hotel with my dad. Next to the parking lot there’s a sign that says “pet grounds”, pointing to where you can walk your dog. My dad reads it aloud, “pet grounds”, so I say “alright then”. I crouched down, pet the grass a little bit and said, “good grounds”. Got a good laugh out of it.
Come see, come saw
Teach a redditor a joke, and they will repost it for a lifetime. It's cake and y'all know the rules!
Give a man a bank and he'll rob the world.
I think she’s planning to watch the highlights later.
But when I look back now, all the Clues added up.
Apparently they didn't like my threads
Personally I’m on the fence.
Because they’re two tired