Student: Can I borrow a pencil?
Teacher: I don't know, can you borrow a pencil? Student: Aha, but I clearly meant to ask for permission. Since you and the rest of the class understood my intent perfectly well, and the word "may" to show permission is rapidly falling out of fashion, there is nothing wrong with asking you whether I can borrow a pencil. Teacher: Possibly so, in colloquial speech. Discerning context can help us decipher the nuance of each sentence on a case-by-case basis. However, as your teacher, my task is to teach you the intricacies and nuances of the English language with rigor, so that you may have a greater mastery of the language in order to effectively and precisely control what you want to communicate. In this case, the difference between the words "can" and "may". Student: Point taken. May I borrow a pencil? Teacher: No, you may not. The state cut funding for education again.
I just watched a program about beavers
It was the best dam program I've ever seen
What comes out if you cross a mosquito and an elephant?
I dunno but I really do hope that thing doesn't bite…
Whats the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
The people in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but the people in Abu Dhabi dooo!
Today, I walked into a restaurant.
"Hi, is my table ready?" "No, not yet sir. Do you mind waiting?" "No, that's okay." "Great, take these salads to table six then."
How do you measure how heavy a red hot chilli is ?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
Apparently my friends started a hula hooping club but never told me about it.
They kept me out of the loop.
My friend lost his job at the dairy farm because of his erratic behaviour.
He was a danger to himself and udders.
Working out is like a drug to me
I don’t do drugs
A man in a wheelchair just stole my camouflage jacket :(
I hope he knows he can hide but he can’t run
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
We should give credit to the number 2.
It became a prime number against all odds.
When I die, I hope to go quietly in my sleep. Like my grandfather. …
… Not on fire and screaming like everyone else on the bus he was driving.
“Son, what’re you drinking” “Soy milk”
"Hola milk, soy es tu padre!"
I was watching Jurassic park the other day…..
…. when I thought "not only does my son have a really stupid name, he´s also a terrible driver"
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
[German] Und was ist, wenn der neue Rammstein-Song auf dem Index landet?
Dann kannst du ihn dir nur noch von der Ursula Leyen.
I just started buying stock from the market
I have beef, chicken, and vegetable. One day I hope to be bouillonaire.
If I had a nickel for every time I didn’t know what was going on
I would be like… how did I get all these fucking nickels??
Why is it called a paternity test
and not a pop quiz?
My wife found out I was cheating after she found all the letters I had hidden.
She went crazy and said she won't play Scrabble with me again
An owl babysat my son so I could go to the hoedown.
It was a hootin' nanny.
i think i’m part of the demographic that made yellow paint a thing
i think i’m part of the demographic that made yellow paint a thing
I cut down a Christmas tree today. My daughter asked me if I was going to put it up myself.
I told her "No, I'm going to put it up in the living room."
I’ve always wanted to swim in a ocean of soda.
It's my fanta-sea
I asked my North Korean friend how it was there.
He said he couldn't complain.
Her (On Tinder): I’m a model on Instagram! What do you do?
Him: I'm a soldier, on Call of Duty.