High effort aquameme
Basically you’re a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A solid 10, but also imaginary.
A nurse, a doctor, and an anti-vaxxer walk into a bar. The nurse sits down and says, “I’ll have a shot of tequila!” The doctor sits next to her and says, “Give me a shot of whiskey!” The bartender turns to the anti-vaxxer, "and what are you having?". The anti-vaxxer responds, "no shots for me", then dies from polio.
My wife screamed in pain during labour so I asked, “What’s wrong?”. She screamed. “These contractions are going to kill me!!”
"I am sorry, honey." I replied. "What is wrong?"
My family and friends all laughed when I told them that one day, I would discover the secrets of invisibility…
If only they could see me now…
People from Dubai don't like the Flintstones. People from Abu Dhabi do.
If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
No it doesn’t.
…have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
But it just kept ringing.
But I keep punching up the fuck line.
You'll get jurasskicked..
My dad didn’t beat cancer
All the passengers got scared…. Then from the other side of the plane a guy shouted back…"Hey Dave".
Thankfully it was just a virus.
I bought him a trampoline for his birthday but all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.
The dad said," They are made at a mint with a press". Then the child responded," That makes cents".
A few months ago, we tried out a concept known as “Memeless Mondays”, where, you guessed it, (most) memes are prohibited every Monday. Specifically:For the duration of this day, all image jokes must only use OC meme templates or not use any template at all (i.e. not be a meme).We won’t check for OC very thoroughly – if it can’t be found with a quick Google search for keywords, or isn’t an edit of an easily googlable template, you’re probably okay.All posts made which break the above criterion will be removed; no strikes will be administered for this violation.Response to this was generally very positive, and allowed higher quality content to shine once a week. The only reason for its abandonment was lack of available moderation – we have that now, so it’s coming back!It’s been a while, so if you have any concerns or suggestions regarding MM, leave them below. Otherwise, see you Monday.
He said, “Christmas stalking.”
What happened next will shock you!
Because it has 2 shifts.
Do you know 1 Comment 1 Upvote will empower your body and you will able to fly in the future
Because the paper is light.
My kids are upset about that decision.
A garbage truck
Doing your homework while the teacher is marking it
In a dad-a-base
They're just remarkable
I prefer to think of it as a father figure.
Look for Fresh Prints.
A big city doctor visits an Native American tribe full of men and he asks “How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?”
"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc? We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
You've got an ex, and you're trying to figure out why.
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, “I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, “The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"