Hmmm, a meme stolen from Okbuddyretard and ruined by an unnecessary caption. Of course it’s from r/memes.
None, he “fell”
She’s been raising a lot of red flags.
I have no words
He said, “No. I still have two.”
They're so full of themselves.
but he's still making fun of me.
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He sees a field below and descends to shout: "Hey can you tell me where I am? I'm trying to get to a friend whom I said I would meet in 30 minutes." The man in the field says: "Yes, you are in a red hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above the ground, in the middle of this field" "Ah, you must be an engineer", replies the balloonist "I am indeed, but how did you know?", asks the man. "Well", says the balloonist, "everything you've said is technically right, but is of no use to anyone" To this, the man replies: "Any you must work in management" The balloonist confirms this, but asks how the man knew. "Well", replies the man, "You don't know where you are, how to get where you're heading, made a promise you can't keep. You expect me to be able to help, but after all this time, we're in the exact same position we were before, but now it's my fault"
It’s pretty lit.
No text found
My wife was upset with me last night for kicking ice cubes under the appliances instead of picking them up…
…but this morning it’s just water under the fridge
why do rice krispies snap, crackle and pop?
The potatoes have eyes The corn has ears And the beans are all stalkers
You have to be asleep or they can't come.
But, to be fair, they have striking similarities
I have come up with a strategy to keep my kids from misbehaving around Christmas time. I keep empty wrapped boxes under the tree and when one of my kids misbehaves, I throw one in the fireplace
The situation changes however, when I run out of children
Because curiosity killed them all.
With an itheberg
Apparently transparency is very important to them. (I'll let myself out…)
Because they’re always up to something
But the thyme is cumin.
or just mething around?
When I was a teen, my dad showed me a 30 minute PowerPoint presentation on why one should always wear a condom during sex.
All the slides were just pictures of me.
Inmate: It’s bec… Officer: Yes? Inmate: I think I have… Officer: Go on. Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?! Officer: Sure. Parole denied!
It’s a dart board on a ceiling. (original: r/jokes)
His blood tested positive for Coke.