Doctor: Hi, my name is Juan, and I’ll be delivering your baby.
Dad: OB Juan, you’re our only hope.
How are dog catchers paid?
By the pound.
What is a porn stars favourite drink?
7-up in cider
What do you call the bad side of Italy?
The spaghetto
What is the difference between an epileptic clam shucker and a hooker with diarrhea?
One shucks between fits.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
He never lands.
To the person who stole my selfie stick…
…You need to take a long look at yourself.
I want to hear 99 people sing ‘Africa’ by Toto.
It's something that a hundred men or more could never do…
I took my new gun to the range to try it out, but somehow it won’t work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
Recently broke my thumb, I asked the nurse if I’d be able to play the piano?
She said I would I said that’s good I couldn’t play it before.
I’ll tell you what I know about dwarfs
Very little
If your iPhone runs out of charge…
Does that mean you are out of apple juice?
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
My dumbass son thinks there’s the letter F is in the word ‘way’
There’s no F in way.
I handed my 4 year old a bottle of cold water and said, “Hold this.”
She responded, "Don't you mean cold this?" My kid just dad joked me and I've never been prouder of her.
Whats the difference between a Cactus and a School bus?
A cactus has all the little pricks on the outside.
Some things go without saying:
No text found
Chicken walks into a bar
Bartender says "Wrong joke, yours is across the road"
My penis is like a joke on reddit..
People seeing it for the first time usually laugh. And those who have seen it before get mad that they’re seeing it again.
German sausage is the wurst.
No text found
What do you call an ostrich in debt?
An ostpoor.
When I was a young boy, I was walking down a gravel road with my grandpa…
When I was a young boy, I was walking down a gravel road with my grandpa. I accidentally took a misstep and fell to the ground, cutting my knees. Grandpa gently bent down and began to clean the wound, removing the little pebbles now embedded in my skin as I cried. I'd always heard adults talk about it, but I finally knew what they were talking about. I'll never forget the pain of my first case of kid knee stones.
I wanted to be an anti-vaxxer for halloween
but I just couldn’t fit my head that far up my ass
[NSFW] I once knew a man who was born with no eyelids. They used his foreskin to make new ones.
You could say he was a bit cockeyed!
When I was in college, I was rejected by all fraternities because I was circumcised.
Apparently you needed to be a complete dick.
If you’re dating someone who doesn’t enjoy Star Wars puns…
Then you’re looking in Alderaan places