Hoooooold iiiiit
What do you call a Dothraki riding a squid?
Khal Amari
So explain this logic for me. So a girl can cuddle another girl and still be straight right?
But when I cuddle another guy I’m “a creep” and “need to leave the morgue immediately”
I asked a French man if he played videogames
He said "wii"
What happens when you finger a gypsy on her period?
You get your palm red.
My friend just called me the worst best man ever…
I was speechless…
I don’t always install solar panels for free…
But this ones on the house
When I was in kindergarten, I was so caught up in learning the names of all the numbers that I memorized them out of order.
I couldn't see the fours for the threes.
My Dad just hit me with this one
A song came on on the speakers and I asked "Is this green Day?" He replied "No, it's valentine's Day"
Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts. The driver obviously confused said, "Officer, I don't understand, I wasn't doing over the speed limit!, What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer said, "you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous". "Slower than the speed limit? NO SIR! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly. The officer containing a chuckle explains that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned, thanking the officer for pointing out her error. "Before I go Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone OK? These women seem badly shaken and haven't uttered a word all this time" "Oh! they will be alright in a minute, Officer, we just got off Route 142."
I just bought a pirate GPS…
It tells you exactly where you arrrr!!!
Sometimes I go around to random windows computers and delete the default browser
Just to take the edge off
I ate a clock yesterday
it was very time consuming
A man brings his Rottweiler into the vet. “My dog is cross-eyed is there anything you can do for him?”
“Well,” the vet says, “Let’s have a look at him.” The vet picks up the dog and looks into his eyes. After a few second the he says, “I’m afraid I’m going to have to put him down.” The shocked owner replies, “what?! Because he’s cross-eyed?!” “No, because he’s heavy.”
“I swear, I’m kicking you out of the house if you don’t stop singing Christmas music.”
But, baby, it’s cold outside!
13% 18-29 voter turnout in California. Vote for your future. BTW not American. (OC)
https://ift.tt/3coY4eO
What do affordable healthcare and sarcasm have in common?
Most Americans don't get it.
RIP boiling water. You will be mist :(
No text found
What award did the inventor of the knock knock joke win?
The No bell prize.
What does a goat put on after his pants?
His goatee
Why dont chickens insult each other?
They dont like getting roasted
This playstore thing. Never gonna keep up with them. That’s why people look apple.
https://ift.tt/2NJO8lF
I spent a summer working on a rabbit farm…
It was a hare raising experience…
I tell it in the wrong order.
Why am i bad at telling jokes?