How a juggler makes scrambled eggs
And then it dawned on me.
They both never get old.
A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were pretty and wore mini-skirts.
Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive. The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent. Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good value for money. Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled. Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because they had never been there before.
Only driven from time to time.
It’s pasture bedtime.
Au jus wish.
When I'm feeling saucy.
But he really saved the History channel.
The shopkeeper gave me 13 instead of the 12, I requested. When I asked him what the last one was for. He told me it was a freebie.
Both got drunk, started walking home and had to go to the bathroom. They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with. One used her panties and the other grabbed a wreath off a grave. The next morning, one husband calls the other and says, "No more girls' night out. My wife came back with no panties." "You think you have it bad?", says the other, "Mine came back with a card stuck in her crack that read from all of us at the fire station... we will never forget you."
Random dad: How can I help you? Man: Call me an ambulance! Random dad: You're an ambulance
he said he's an eighth theist
You dont know how it works for the first time, It can be painful and time consuming, But if done correctly you start enjoying it later. AND ITS NOT FOR EVERYONE.
Because he had a lot of trans sisters
First thing he did when I got him home was make a bolt for the door.
The server drops the rabbit stew off at my table and starts walking away. I call him back and say, "There's a hare in my stew."
My house is full of light switches!
When I thought to myself "Man…I'm fucking nuts."
so that I could fit the rest of the socks in the drawer
I said, “Weird. I was about to ask you the same thing.”
They are always working on current events.
The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light. The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light. The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light. The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke. The first three ask the CEO of Guinness why he didn't order a Guinness, to which he replied: "I figured if you 3 weren't ordering beer it would be rude for me to."
Hot dog guy: Sure. Won’t be long. Me: Yikes. In that case, can I have two?
So I packed up my stuff and right!
No shit Sherlock
He was later awarded the Nobel prize for his scientific achievements. edit:OC
On the upside, it’s buttered. But on the downside, it’s not.
A lumberjack went into a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree. It shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree”
The lumberjack smiled, “and you will dialogue”.
They keep telling me I have an outstanding balance
…we'd never hear the end of it.
Sure there's lots of fish in the ocean, but until I catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.