How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
You just have to have a feel for it.
Kim Jong Un
Is nothing sacred?
Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
He followed the enchanting voice till he came upon a singing yellowfin tuna. He knew he had found something incredible. He caught the fish, kept it alive and returned home. He showed his friends and posted videos on tik tok, and the singing fish went viral. It could sing almost anything, but Pavarotti was it's favorite. The fisherman toured around the world with the fish and set up a website to sell merch. The clothing he made sold like crazy, so he ordered thousands of short sleeve shirts to be made in advance. Unfortunately, the fish died, and the public lost interest. The fisherman was left with endless opera tuna tees.
In a croc pot.
“Son, I bet you can’t wait for me to die so you can piss on my grave!” The private emphatically replies, “No sir! Once I get out of the army I’m never gonna stand in line again. “
A lady approaches a priest and shyly tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots but, they only know how to say one thing… they keep saying ‘Hi, we’re hot… do you want to *fuck us*?'”
"That's terrible!" says the priest. "But, I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house tomorrow. I will put them with my two male talking parrots… to whom I've taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible filth, and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship the good Lord." So the next day, the lady brings her two female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male talking Parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're hot. Do you want to fuck us?” One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and screams, "put the bible away you idiot, our prayers have been answered!"
sneak in ten minutes late with a bullshit excuse. Slink down low at my desk. Pray to God nobody asked me any questions. I was the best teacher ever.
No, but April may!
Because it was two tired.
With great power comes great electricity bills
Later in life, i learned that condoms only work 99% of the time.
…just because I was the first person to discover a new crack I the earth's crust, everybody was acting like it's my fault.
So many questions, Who's blood is that? How did you get it? Was the bucket even sanitized before you filled it with blood.
No text found
Me: "Well thanks for changing her back."
They arrested me
Because they are not when wolves
I can never understand y.
Cause they never meat-up. If there are any vegans reading this please don't start a beef.
to talk about hispanic attacks.
I’ll tell you tomorrow.
Pet Shop Worker: No, I think its aluminium Me: So there's no nickel in this cage? PSW: Don't do it Me: It's a nickeless cage PSW: LEAVE!
Because he's a pain in the neck.