How do you get a fat chick into bed?
Piece of cake.
My firts post here
Found those COBOL developers for you.
My divorced dad posted this on facebook
AI is becoming more intelligent!
Why do hippies drink herbal tea?
Because property is theft
Oh the irony…
Is this real life
The threat of force is all you need sometimes
2020 Campaign Slogans
Make Great Britain Great Again
Let’s hear it for the boy
Chocolate is like guns
if you pull it out in school, then everybody is suddenly your friend
John Travolta was hospitalized earlier today for suspected COVID-19.
Doctors now confirm that it was only Saturday Night Fever and they assure everyone that he is Staying Alive.
Be very very quiet
Obi Wan: Yoda, you en-route?
Yoda: Off course I am!
From *Bang Bang* to *Pew Pew*
4th graders know where it’s at!
“b i O L o g Y”
My son identifies as a crescent moon.
I hope it's just a phase.
That fixed it
My father sent me this and I dont even know what to say
Takes an artist to make proper UML tbh
Become a web developer they say, it will be fun they said.
This wouldn’t surprise me one bit…
Alcohol good. Coronavirus bad.
My dog has a creepy obsession with trees…
All he ever does is talk about their skin…
I never forget my sons first words…
"Where the fuck have you been for 16 years"
My coworker went to HR and filed a complaint against me after I praised her butt.
Say what you want, harassment something to me.
A man goes to visit his friend…
and discovers that his friend has turned into an arrangement of shapes closely fitted together, forming a repeated pattern without any gaps or over-lapping. “What happened?” he asks, mortified. “I came here to see if you were self-isolating and…” “Oh shucks!” said the friend, “I thought you told me to self-tesselate!”
AI is a concept created by the jedi
This post was made by linux gang
nobody ever helps me with scripting
Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me
it means a lot.
Direct from Facebook
Where do Squirrels go during Hurricanes?
It depends on which direction the wind is blowing.
Jimmy just turned over and give up on life
Big brain time
Son: “Dad, did you know that in some cultures, you don’t get to know your wife until after your married?”
Dad: “Son, it’s that way in every culture.”
I always used to wonder why golfers would shout “fore”…
Then it hit me.
After having their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough,…
…as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The redneck said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me". "Trust me," said the doctor. So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1" "2" "3" "4" "5" At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.
My mother finds this hilarious and forwards it to all our family groups
And I’m only in second year
Trickle down economics is just socialism for corporations.
I am guessing a DNA test will take place at some point
The saddest birthday ever
My social life is like the square root of -100
A solid 10, but also imaginary.
Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S.
One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend. "Which part did you get?" Edit: Thank you for the gold, kind stranger!
Dong. Ding Dong.
James Bond's doorbell
No offense to any developers here
Bernie takes the gloves off
Unsure if posted before
The Queen of England
The Queen of England was visiting one of London's top hospitals recently, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating. "Oh my god!", said the Queen, "That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???" The doctor leading the tour explains, "I'm sorry your majesty, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that five times a day, they would explode and he would most likely die instantly." "Oh, I am sorry" said the Queen. On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a blowjob. "Oh my God", said the Queen, "What's happening in there?" The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."
“Honey, where’s my pointer?”
The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, hot and sexy female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat old slob who looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and dangerous!" The captain responds, "Patricia, I've told you this before. This is Air Force One…"
Its not over
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and asks the barman….
“Can I have a drink for me and one for the road”
How many D&D players does it take to change a light bulb?
All of them. Never split the party.
stop harassing the dear leader
Pathogen?? more like pathetic gen. hahahah
Idk if this fits here, but oh well will I try
The pessimist sees a tunnel. The optimist a light a the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a train…
The train engineer sees three idiots on the railroad tracks.
To write documentation or to not write documentation
Imagine being susceptible to antibiotics! This post was made by virus gang.
I just watched a program about beavers.
It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
You don’t want me to treat you to a bespoke outfit from my tailor?
Fine, suit yourself.
Nah, I’m out