How does a computer science major pick up girls?
Oh shit thought this was google
Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog
They always bring their eh game
I could do it with my eyes closed
…but I don’t believe him…
They aren't funny unless everyone gets it
At the dadabase.
Because nothing gets under their skin
I've never seen one before, but I have faith.
Nothing’s better than being 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, or 97 years old
Those are the years you’re in your prime
"Surely it's not going to rain today?" She said "it will, and don't call me Shirley" …Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode.
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day and confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh, she got fired, too."
The *For Biden* files.
But not if you die late.
It was the wurst käse scenario.
Because if it had 4 doors it’d be a chicken sedan.
Me: No, I think they need to stay on the wall.
Most of the main characters came out of the closet
Worst postcard ever.
“Sorry, we’re clothed.”
He learned next to nothing.
r/NASAmemesFeel free to join if you’re interested!
They only had a pair of trunks!
I'm a dais, I'm a DAIS! I'm a DAIS!
She says "who is it?" "It's the blind man" comes the response. Ok, thinks the nun. "Come in then". In walks the man; "nice tits, now where do you want this blind?"
By turning your phone horizontal before recording any fights. That's all!
The man picks up, listens for a second and says, 'How the hell would I know, you idiot? I'm not a weatherman,' before slamming down the receiver. 'Who was that?' asks his wife. 'Wrong number. It was some jerk asking if the coast was clear.'
My statistics professor told us that the larger the sample size, the more reliable are your averages.
The N’s justify the means.
Put a little boogie in it!
I told The the judge. “All my wife does every night is go out bar after bar” “What is she doing” the judge replied “Looking for me”
God is walking through the Garden of Eden one morning, when he sees Adam sitting by himself, grinning from ear to ear.
God says to Adam, "you're looking very happy this morning! Has something good happened?" "Oh yes" Adam replies. "This morning we found out why I have a penis and Eve has a vagina! It was awesome. We're going to call it 'sex'!" God is shocked. "Adam, what you have done is a sin! You and Eve must both be punished." He looks around. "Where is Eve anyway?" Adam replies "well, she enjoyed it so much she wants to do it again. She's down by the river washing her vagina." "Oh, great" God replies. "Now, on top of everything else, all the fish will smell funny too!"
Crimes against piece
but geography is where it’s at!!
He pulled a muscle.
It was only a minute long.
honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
Son: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin." Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."
I hate these multi-level marketing schemes.
Because he lives in a stable environment.
I got a full house and 3 people died.