It makes my day
They each got six months.
"AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING."
A senõr citizen.
She knew how to carry The One
It was an unpleasant asscent.
Knock Knock Whose there? Grandad QUICK, STOP THE CREMATION!
Guardians of the Galaxy
So far all I have is 9.
… But I got a very bad reaction
7 was a registered six offender
To stop his coffin.
Judge: Repeat infractions? Man: Fine. I want to contest 3/5 of my parking tickets!
José and Hose B
He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he un-jams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels. One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the Devil what's up? The Devil says, "Things are great down here since you sent us an engineer." "What?" says God. "An engineer? I didn't send you one of those. That must have been a mistake. Send him upstairs immediately." The Devil responds, "No way. We want to keep our engineer. We like him." God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!" The Devil laughs. "Where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Because they got rid of the plaques. (This one popped into my head getting into the shower. Crap, it’s early.)
Because freedom rings
It's the best thing since sliced beard…
But in the bathroom, European.
The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. “First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector”, says the Coroner. “Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.” The Inspector asked, “What of the third body?” “Ah,” says the coroner, “this is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning.” “Why is he smiling then?” inquires the Inspector. “Thought he was having his picture taken.
"Is this good for wasps?" he asked the assistant. "No, it kills them."
I guess that's why I'm always reposting.
He says to the doctor, “Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.” “Well,” the doctor replied, “go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn’t reply move about 5 feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this so that we’ll get an idea about the severity of her deafness.” Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off standing about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping up some chicken and says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks loudly, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” She replies, “For the fourth fuckin time, chicken!”
No text found
…the chemical plant became insolvent…
It becomes theiranium.
I tried to picture her in my head and it broke my neck.
Verb, not adjective
Like homie what were you doing in the closet that whole time