Apparently, Shatner panties wasn’t the best choice for a name.
Larry Tesler, the inventor of copy and paste died today. Larry Tesler, the inventor of copy and paste died today. Larry Tesler, the inventor of copy and paste died today. Larry Tesler, the inventor of copy and paste died today.
…he takes off his hat and throws it in an arc. Six men lose their hats. Everyone is impressed, they yell out: "Wow! What's your name?" "They call me Hat-Bill." Another man walks in, grabs his gun and fires off six rounds. Six men lose their hats. The crowd yells out: "Wow! What's your name?" "They call me Gun-Bill." A third man walks in. He has six arms. In a flash, he grabs the hats off the heads of six men. Everyone is speechless. Finally, one guy yells: "Wow! What's your name?" "They call me… …Chernobyl."
Elongate would be really drawn out.
I guess we'll know when the time comes.
"Well, at least you could try."
Repost a popular joke from yesterday, It’s a piece of cake.
"That trebuchet is really something. Let's get the cat!"
I’m not buying it.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
It's your count who votes!
A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you. Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl? Doctor: Denise. Woman: Well it isn't so bad, and what did he call the boy? Doctor: Denephew.
Because if they slept with both legs up they would fall over. My 14yo daughter just dropped this one on us.
…you've waisted thyme.
It took half a century but Hippies finally won.
Nobody looks at you funny when you lick an envelope
is a non-prophet organization.
My mate Dave’s always been the kind of bloke that gets stressed over everything, but lately he doesn’t seem like he’s got a care in the world.
“Why are you so laid back all of a sudden?” I asked him. “I’ve hired a professional to worry about all my problems for me,” he replied. “Only costs me a grand a week.” “A grand a week? How the hell are you going to afford that?” I asked. “Fuck knows. That’s his problem.”
The word "ma" can mean either "mother" or "horse", depending on the tone you use. This can get you into all sorts of embarrassing situations. Like the time I inadvertently asked a man if it was okay to fuck his mother.
Pretty nuts, if you ask me.
One evening while the women are in their own rooms, the men drinking at the pub below their lodge, Rob: I bet a 100 dollars I can fuck way more than you ever could in a night. Dan: I don’t think so! I would like to compare numbers tomorrow morning at breakfast! Rob: you know how the ladies get talking about this sorta stuff… Dan: I’ll tell you what, mark the count on the outside of your door and I’ll do the same, no one else has to know… They go back up. Rob has sex 3 times, marks his door with lll and goes to bed. Dan comes around at 4 in the morning, barely able to walk, and looks at Rob’s door, and swears “Rob you son of a bitch! I wish my wife didn’t pass out, I was 6 away from your 111 !!”
After being unhappy for many years my mother came to me and said she was going to get a sex change operation. I didn't fully understand but I was very supportive throughout the whole operation, then he came home. That's when it all started, all the time all day long horrible dad jokes, terrible puns and all around just awful humor. After a few weeks and being fed up, I realized something and I confronted them. "Did you seriously just have a sex change operation just for the dad jokes?!" I asked. He replied, "Oh you could see right through me, I must be so trans-parent."
Me "I dunno. I haven't even watched the first one." Groans from the wife and kids ensue.
They’re just waiting their turn.
It has its prose and cons.
It's really gonna spice up the autobiography.
and you expected a beating but instead they just ruined the housing market?
So we stopped playing chess.
I’m taking steps to avoid them now
My dad and I are going out tonight and I asked if he could pick me up. He said "I think so – I've been working out!"
A guys walking down the street with a bag of rabbit droppings he runs into one of his friends who asks what’s in the bag. Guy says “Smart Pills,” his friend says “Gimme one of them Smart Pills,” then reaches in the bag and pops a handful of them in his mouth. He looks at the guy and says “These smart pills taste like shit,” guy says “You’re getting smarter already.”
Turns out he's a real dick.
“We are going to need to search your land for illegally grown drugs.” I said, “that’s fine, but don’t go into that field over there. You won’t like it.” Agitated by this, the officer explodes saying, “do you see this god damn badge son?! This badge means I can go where I please, when I please, how I please! You have no authority when it comes to telling me where the fuck I can go! Have I made myself clear, boy?!” I politely nodded and went back about my business. A short time after, I heard a scream, looked up to see the DEA agent being chased by my big old mean bull. Every step, gaining, closing the gap between himself and the agent. It seemed as tho he would surely get gored before returning to safety. The officer was clearly terrified. I threw down my tools, ran to the fence and screamed at the top of my lungs…. “YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR FUCKIN BADGE!!”