How many Game of Thrones seasons does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eight, if you want to screw it completely.
Ones a heated yam, and the other’s a yeeted ham.
A man worked his whole life at the pickle factory. One day he came home and informed his wife that he had been fired from his job.
She was in disbelief and near tears. "20 years of your life you gave them, and this is how they repay you!", she shouted, confused. "What happened, why were you laid off?" "Well, for 20 years since I've worked there I've wanted to stick my pecker in the pickle slicer. Call it curiosity if you want. Well, today I did it, and they fired me because of it". The wife hurried over to check what damage he caused. "Well it all looks fine, doesn't seem like you hurt yourself. But what happened to the pickle slicer?" The man replied: "they fired her too!"
The teachers tend to Babylon.
Because all the fans left
Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what’s wrong.
“Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl who I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" “Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh. “Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally built up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." “That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?" "I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show." “Sensible" says Jeff. “So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw." “And what happened then?" “I kicked her in the face."
Because if they lived on the Bay they’d be bagels
Through the Dumbell door.
I will find you, you have my word
…the alpaca lips?
On one hand it feels great, on the other hand, not so much
You boil the hell out of it
SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. What you may not know is that Tuba is also an acronym…
For Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus
First time I've ever seen a SWAT team.
Math puns make me number
I walked across the dance floor to get another drink and won the dance contest…
Deep down they're really good people
It's a very nice step ladder, but it's sad that I never knew my real ladder.
and it's fucking discussing.
I yelled, "Good guess!"
Unfortunately we soon drifted apart.
I don't know but the flag is a big plus.
My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence
A synonym roll
I sat my son down and said, “Look son, in life if you act like a pussy then you’ll never get any pussy”
My wife said, “Matthew, how dare you use that language in front of him?” I said, “Sorry dear, it won’t happen again” My son said, “I see what you mean Dad.”
…on a plane. Let's call them Steve and Bill. "Dude, what if we had sex?" asks Steve. "You crazy? Here, on the plane? It would be awkward, everyone would watch us doing it…" "Man, nobody is even paying attention to anything. Look!" Steve stands up and asks loudly: "Could I have a pencil, please?" Nobody gives a damn. Everyone is sleeping, reading, looking out the window, etc. "They really wouldn't care then, would they?" says Bill. So Steve and Bill have wild sex on the plane. Later, when the plane arrives to the airport and the people are leaving, the stewardess sees an old man who threw up all over his shirt, even his pants are soaking in the filth. "Sir, you should've asked for a bag!" "I didn't dare" whispers the old man. "A few rows ahead I saw a man asking for a pencil and he got fucked in the ass…"
The performance was a little wooden.
Say 'Gucci Gucci Gucci'