How to effectively ensure everyone around you respects 6 ft social distancing
A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she said. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”
the husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?” “You’re so drunk you miscounted,” said the wife. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there. The husband climbed out of bed and counted. One, two, three, four. Damn, you’re right.
…like doctors or directors. While females tend to settle with lesser paying ones like female doctors or female directors.
he is immediately disqualified.
I woke up exhausted.
"Thanks for the warning, officer."
I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
A nervous wreck.
“Why are you calling me Grandpa?” “Because I couldn’t find it yesterday.”
She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day, they are absolutely gorgeous." I said, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."
that's the spirit.
A guy takes his wife out for the night. They end up at a disco where there’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moon-walking, back flips, every dance move going…
The wife turns to her husband and says, “See that guy on the dance floor? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.” The husband replies, “It looks like he’s still celebrating.”
Me: Dispatch, suspect is dancing down Main street, completely nude. Dispatch: Copy that. Me: Well I'll try but I'm not much of a dancer.
Because he was a known quack dealer
They just gave me a cold shoulder
No text found
As the days go by he gets hornier and hornier – he wants to fuck badly. So he tries to mount the camel but every time he is almost in, the camel pulls away. Day after day he tries, with the same result. One day he comes across an airplane that's just crashed, the only survivor is a beautiful girl. He pulls her from the wreck, gives her food and water, and dresses her wounds. Very grateful, she steps up close and whispers in his ear "I will do anything for you for saving my life, anything. Just name it". "For the love of god, can you hold this camel still"
There would be mass confusion.
Well, well, well…
But Peter came in fifth and won a toaster.
My pronouns are He/Hee
7-up in cider
He said, "It could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole filled with water." I know he means well.
They're completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.
Terrible joke, only 3 stars.
I just felt the need to spice up my autobiography.
Well, first it tied the records up, then it beat them…