How warm was Luke Skywalker in the tauntaun?
My Girlfriend has been repeatedly asking me “Are you a character from Alice in Wonderland?” and it’s getting really annoying
My Friend asked me “Are you mad at her?” I replied “Don’t you start too”
The difference is staggering
Saw the damnedest thing at the airport. A vulture was trying to board the plane with a dead, rotting animal hanging out of its mouth. Gate agent tried to stop him…
…and the vulture said, "I'm clearly permitted one piece of carrion luggage."
It was framed!
"Honesty" "I don't think honesty is a weakness." "I don't give a fuck what you think."
You might ask how i find the time It's easy it's right there next to the sage
I replied "I think it's gonna be a long, long time"
He was a herbefor
I won't be able to live with myself.
It turned into a laughing stock. That's a humerus joke.
Can’t say that I‘m surprised
Because tea leaves.
They each got 6 months
But Maths Jokes Make Me Number
Extra Karma… I hope.
Coronavirus, right off the bat.
But then it grew on me.
When I was a young man in in Army Cadets, we had big ornamental robot that we called ‘old-iron-sides’ with a big brass bugle that would play all the calls to the troops. In the morning it would play ‘reveille’ to wake, ‘mess call’ for meals, ‘drill call’ to assemble in the square, etc. We all got so used to these queues that we relied to them to know what to do at each time of the day. Until one day iron robot was silent and everyone was disoriented, not knowing when to get up, go eat or start a drill. Finally, I went to ask my commanding officer why there were no calls. He said “He’s taking a vacation day”. So I guess it was the Ferrous Bugler's day off.
… I now call him Dav.
I said "Don't forget your Baghdad"
I had to draw my own conclusions.
Sext her out of nowhere and then text back right away “sorry wrong person”
A student visits the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, “What’s your name, son?” He replies: “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The principal looks up and asks him, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”
The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter and the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”
Running, jk rowling
A blast from the past
The man gruffly replies "no i think im fully capable of finding my own tux!" Associate says "fine. Suit yourself."
And my soccer coach in 7th grade asks me: Do you they call you Will or Bill? Me: They call me both. Coach: Okay, Both, nice to meet you. I'm 42 years old, and that man's son still calls me "Both" to this day.
It’s a total ripoff
It’s a timeless piece, really.
He said I have a weekend immune system.
I don’t even touch it
It took him a couple of bytes
The horse replies "You read my mind buddy!"