How World War 3 will end
An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks him, “What’s wrong?”
The boy says, "Me ma is dead." "Oh bejaysus," the man replies. "Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?" The boys says, "No tanks mister. Sex is the last thing on my mind at the moment."
Somebody broke into my house and stole my limbo stick!
I mean… how low can you get!
JOB AT GOOGLE FROM UZBEKISTAN! VERY FAST!
JOB AT GOOGLE FROM UZBEKISTAN! VERY FAST!SUPPORT ME ON MY JOURNEY!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yW4pZq_LMYQ&t=2s&ab_channel=tenten
You meet a man on the Oregon Trail.
He tells you his name is Terry. You laugh at him and say"That's a girl's name!" Terry shoots you. You have died of dissin' Terry.
The mirror told the echo…
The mirror: you should see yourself right now The echo: meh, I've heard it all before.
I saw a sign that said “Rest area 25 miles”…
I thought,wow, that's pretty big
this
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People always told me my dyslexia would hold me back and I’d never be any good at poetry.
But they couldn't be more wrong. So far I've made two jugs and a vase.
Will glass coffins be a success?
Remains to be seen.
I am reading a horror story in Braille
Someone is gonna die, I can feel it.
My wife just told me she has the body of a teenager.
I guess she found out about me and the babysitter.
Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?
Because if they slept with both legs up they would fall over. My 14yo daughter just dropped this one on us.
![[True story] My Grandma and Grandpa were arguing. My grandpa exclaimed, “I’m the King, and you’re nothing!” So my Grandma replied…](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/no_image_card-103-400x247.png)
[True story] My Grandma and Grandpa were arguing. My grandpa exclaimed, “I’m the King, and you’re nothing!” So my Grandma replied…
“Oh yeah? Then you’re the King of nothing!”
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I’d saved for the book I’m working on called ‘1,001 cures for itches.’
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
How to die from falling down the stairs:
Step 1, Step 2, Step 4, Step 9, Step 22, Step 23,
Had to wright a paragraph about this photo for my online english class today…
https://ift.tt/2VZxXnz
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.
My girlfriend gets mad whenever I mess with her red wine.
So I added some fruit and lemonade to it, and now she sangria than ever.
Sexual position of the day
The Brexit – you promise to pull out but you donβt
someone insulted me on my monitor’s refresh rate,
right where it hertz.
I told a girl she drew her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised.
What’s the difference between your Wife and your Job?
Well, after 10 years your Job still sucks.
Post Malone just suspended his tour.
That makes him Postponed Malone.
I slept with a girl who works at Netflix last night
It was pretty cool, she even recommended some girls I might like to sleep with next
How did Pinocchio find out he was a wooden boy?
His hand caught fire
A student visits the principalβs office one day and the principal says to him, βWhatβs your name, son?β He replies: βD-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.β The principal looks up and asks him, βOh, do you have a stutter?β
The student replies, βNo sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.β
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
The Secret Service are no longer allowed to say “Get down Mr. President!”
Now they have to yell "Donald, Duck!"
Dad jokes?
Well of course Dad jokes! Dad is hilarious!
