How would a stoner propose to another stoner?
Orange is the new black.
20% of everything all the money we stole.
Eventually we drifted apart.
Dad: "No the regular kind."
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I said, "no kidding?!"
I asked, “What’s wrong?”. She screamed. “These contractions are killing me!!” “I am sorry, honey.” I replied. “What is wrong?”
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I got a few Twix up my sleeve.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
A liquor cabinet.
That shit was nuts!
It's all fingering.
The results came completely out of the purple…
Men just go for higher paying jobs like doctor, CEO, lawyer ect. Where as women pick lower paying jobs like female doctor, female lawyer, and female CEO
But he never laughs at any of them.
The serial killer might listen if you plead with them
i never get a straight answer
…whereas oral sex is a matter of taste.
They run at 100 feet a second
"Gay is when a person is happy." his dad replied The boy thought for a long time before asking "Hey dad, are YOU gay?" His dad quickly responded again with "No son, I'm married to your mother."
the bartender asks the guy, "What's up bud? You look rough." "Well," says the man, "I just found out my dad is gay and he's left my mom for some pool boy." "Ouch," says the bartender, "here, these are on the house today." A few days later the same guy comes in and orders another five shots. "Oh no man, what happened this time?" The bartender asks. "Just found out my brother is gay, he's left his wife for a man he met at a gay bar last week." "I'm sorry man," the bartender says, "these are on the house." Just one week later the guy comes in again and orders ten shots. The bartender asks, "Man! Doesn't anyone in your family like women?" The guy responds, "Yeah…my wife."
Then it hit me
The girl has never made love to a man before, and on their wedding night, when he takes off his shirt, she goes running downstairs. “Momma, Momma,” she cries. “I can’t believe it! He has hair all over his chest! What should I do?” The mother is making spaghetti sauce. She stirs the sauce thoughtfully and says, “Hair on his chest? He’s your husband, it’s your wedding night, go upstairs.” When the girl gets back upstairs, the man takes off his pants. This sends her running back down to her mother: “Momma, Momma! He has hair all over his legs! What should I do?” The mother stirs the sauce thoughtfully and says: “Hair on his legs? He’s your husband, it’s your wedding night, go upstairs.” The girl goes back upstairs, and the man takes off his shoes and socks. She looks down and sees that half of one of his feet is missing. She goes crying back down the stairs: “Momma, Momma! He’s got a foot and a half! What should I do?” The mother hands her daughter the spoon and says: “A foot and a half? Here, you stir the sauce. I’ll go upstairs.”
It's like luck, but with more force.
Nobody expects the Spanish in position