Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. Me: Okay, I'll have a coke. Bartender: Is Pepsi okay? Me: Sure. How much is that? Bartender: $3. Me: There you go. So what's the wifi password? Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase.
…… but it just made him more sluggish!
Nothing, he just let out a little wine
“Orchids?” asks the florist “No, just the flowers” he replied
Thanks for nothing
It’s when a British person takes a good look at something
Me: "So, what do you want to do for dinner?" Him: "Eat, lol. You?"
She said something about 'waiting until they're born'
The teacher asks Trump if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word “tragedy”. So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers, “if my best friend who lives on a farm is playing in a field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that’d be a tragedy.” “Not quite”, says Mr. Trump, “that would be an accident.” A little girl raises her hand: “if a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.” “I’m afraid not,” explained the president. “That’s what we would call a great loss.” The room goes silent. Trump searches the room. “Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy? “ Finally at the back of the room, little Johnny raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, “If Air Force One, carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens; that would be a tragedy.” “Fantastic!” exclaimed Mr. Trump. “That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?” “Well’, said little Johnny, “because it sure as hell wouldn’t be a great loss and probably wouldn’t be an accident either.”
The other one replies, “Yes. I believe that comes from sitting on these wicker chairs.”
"Son, toss me that hatchet"
So after 24 hours, I called it a day!
The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, hot and sexy female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat old slob who looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and dangerous!" The captain responds, "Patricia, I've told you this before. This is Air Force One…"
An Abdominal Snowman
Because she went to woo Han.
The same thing Arkansas!
Love means nothing to them
Is now a seasoned veteran
how bad an electrician I am.
A pimple waits til you’re twelve to come on your face.
My parents used to tell me that joke all the time. Still remember it to this day.
You won't need it working here.' 'But I never went to college.' 'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'
Who's there? Mary. Mary who? Mary Christmas! Knock knock. Who's there? Anna. Anna who? Anna happy new year! Merry Christmas and a happy new year, Reddit 🙂
…well would you look at that, it's a tie.
I always say, "No, thank you. I'm not interested. But thank you for considering me, good day."