Humpty Dumpty didn’t enjoy his Summer, but he had a great Fall.
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50 Cent ft. Nickelback
Scraping those stick family decals off your rear window.
So he isn’t spotted
but none of them work.
To celebrate, we invited all the family and friends we could to my parents' house and then made the big announcement. Everyone was ecstatic and my father in particular was driven to tears. At a certain point during the night he pulled me aside and led me into his study, which I had never really been inside until this point. He opened a safe and produced cigars a bottle of whiskey and a large, beautifully bound book. "I could never have asked for a better son," my father said, lighting the cigars and pouring the whiskey. "I hope you think I was a good enough father to deserve you." "Of course, Dad," I said, "You were all I could've asked for and I wish my son admires me even half as much as I admire you." "Now I've shared with you nearly everything I know," he said, "But not this one thing. This is the Big Book of Dad Jokes. There are many like it but this one is special. My father gave it to me when your mother and I first found out she was pregnant with you, and I studied it and studied it, learning all the dad jokes I could and mastering book's secrets. I hope it serves you as well as it served me in being a father… No… I know it will serve you well. I love you, my son." "Dad… I don't know what to say… I'm honoured…" "Hi Honoured, I'm Dad."
but it's been a week already and I keep getting hungrier and hungrier.
…it smells like burnt nose hair?
I bought him a new trampoline for Christmas but all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.
Come on guys, it's a dead giveaway.
It's still syncing
The judge warned him to expect a really long sentence.
Until knight fall.
That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
True story. I used this as an opportunity to tell my first Dad joke: "Hello, Pregnant. My name is Dad." Dumb, but I don't care. I'm on top of the f'ing world right now and nothing can take me down.
But you guys didn't like it.
Don't worry, he was just going through a stage.
Yes, we arson.
I’m voting for an old, senile, racist, sexist, white man with rape allegations this year for president.
But I’m still not sure which one to pick.
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I went to the doctors recently He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty” I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?”
He said, “No. Fatty, don’t eat anything
Ba Dum Tss
Policeman: Whose car is this, where are you going and what do you do. Miner: mine
Me: I wish I had a tail. Genje: Wejrd but okay.
I made my son sit through a 1 hour long PowerPoint presentation titled “The utmost importance of wearing a condom”.
All the slides were just photos of him.
It must have been the delivery.