I am a social vegan.
I avoid meet.
It was a Big Mcsteak
Install new lox.
Don't know what I'm going to do in the mean time…
Because the have got more degrees ! ( Read this one in an old book ! )
Mom: "It's clearly not." Dad: Sits down "It is now!"
I learned next to nothing
Math puns make me number
No text found
He put on another coat
To break on through to the other side
They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama
Me: I race cars. Her: Do you win many races? Me: No, the cars are much faster.
He wasn't willing to let Qui-Gons be bygones.
No, I said you can have a stroke at any time.
But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme…
RIP Larry Tesler, the UI designer that created Cut, Copy and Paste, died age 74
The fifth was dead Sirius.
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
Hindsight is 2020
she walked into a haunted house and came out with a job application!
Why do I keep hearing about cases of it?
One of them decides to start a conversation. “So what did you guys do to end up here? I came to the factory late and they accused me of slowing down the revolution.” The second man says: “I arrived at the factory to early and they accused me of trying to rush the revolution.” The third man says: “I arrived at the factory right on time and they accused me of having a western watch.”
I'm not buying it
I said, “is that a fret?”
It's child abuse to expose them to twice the amount of dad jokes
but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
A jewel thief entered a house mid-afternoon. He tied up the woman and at knife-point asked the man to hand over the jewelry and money. The man started sobbing and said, “You can take anything you want. You can even pistol whip me, but please untie the rope and free her.”
Thief: “You must really love your wife!” Man: “No, but she will be home shortly”.
The odds were against me
please form an orderly orderly orderly queue.
Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left? A. 499 Q. What are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? A. Open Door, put elephant in refrigerator, close door Q. What are four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator? A. Open door, take elephant out of refrigerator, put giraffe in refrigerator, close door Q. The lion throws a huge birthday party. All the animals but one go. Which is it and why? A. The giraffe: he's still in the refrigerator Q. Sally swims across an alligator infested river and doesn't get eaten. How? A. The alligators are at the lion's birthday party Q. Sally is found dead within the next 5 minutes: why? A. She was hit by a brick falling from the sky
My wife dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.
You can’t C in the dark