I am not sleeping again!!
This is going to be the first year that I haven’t taken a vacation in Paris, because of the pandemic.
Usually it is due to lack of money
So they can see the front lines
Well, some people think its 'R', but that's just a hurtful stereotype. Other people say that their true love is the 'C' which I can certainly understand… But I find that it's actually the letter 'P', cause without it they're just irate.
What do you call a crappy lawyer? An a-turd-ney
“No son, have you seen my dad glasses?”
so I can watch it with my family.
She has the worst stutter ever.
Now it's not a very beautiful poem… But it's quite deep
"I said Trump/Pence."
She got so mad and said she's never gonna play Scrabble with me ever again
Love without life is necrophilia.
That has left scientists scratching their heads.
Because they’re really good at it
Thanks for nothing!
The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win. Then, one night while watching the News he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 10th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM! He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY! Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph. BULLS-EYE! "I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!" So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl. The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother. "Mom," he says, "I just won the Super Bowl!" "I don't want to talk to you," the old woman says. "You are not my son!" "I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans!" "No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago!"
I’m getting sick of them
The virus is literally making us go fuck ourselves.
How do you tell a good joke about time travel?
One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
There’s no home page
I will find you. I have contacts.
Clearly did a good job, because I didn't care
When it becomes aparent.
I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend
I don't know where I came
So i packed up and right.
A pirate goes to the doctor and say, “I have moles on me back aaarrrghh”
The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign" Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten!"
Yet they haven't. I don't geddit. Eddit: Leddit be heard, thank you for the silver!