I applied to be a sperm donor and the nurse asked me if I could masturbate in the cup…
I told her I’m pretty good, but I don’t think I’m ready to compete in a tournament yet.
The woman on the other end of the phone replies: "Just a minute". The blonde thanks her and hangs up the phone.
She’s currently in the I.C.U
Because he wasn't born yesterday
I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you.
It's the only day I'll tolerate high maintenance people.
I'm not ever buying any more baby oil.
I said "Sure. Why wouldn't I want $300,000?"
I think it was framed.
No text found
I can’t believe I lost the Rock’s Paper Scissors…
Well, you should know.
But I never met herbivore.
I told him im patient
Librarian: I’m sorry, I don’t think it’s in yet. Me: Yeah, that’s the one.
…the rolls-rice of Asian seafood.
My math teacher is a bastard.
I told him, 'that makes two of us'.
Like Hello? We had the king of pop himself micheal Jackson.
"They are all in the toilet paper aisle right now."
They're so picky!
Sails have gone through the roof
He didn't want to be spotted
It was just soda grading
I told her it sounded like a bit of a stretch
The king and queen of clubs.
I couldn’t differentiate between them.
Such a nice jester.
post our home made sex tape on PornHub, saying she couldn’t stand the thought of all those strangers masturbating over it. So I put it on Facebook instead.
He said: “Suuuuureee YOU can!”
Not as heroic as it sounds, though, he just did it last week.
Must have a hard time sneaking out to the pub without the wife noticing.
A bad golfer goes ‘WHACK’ , “ah shit”. A bad skydiver goes “ah shit” , ‘WHACK’