I bet a minute later he tries again :)
But that’s a whisk I’m willing to take
On the way to the airport, Mrs. Smith gets in a terrible car crash and is life-flighted to the hospital. Mr. Smith receives a call from the police telling him about the accident and rushes to the hospital. There, he waits for hours while his wife is in surgery. After many hours of waiting, the surgeon finally comes to speak with him. “Mr. Smith, I’ve got some bad news for you. Your wife has been paralyzed from the neck down. She will be unable to perform even the most basic functions as a human being. You will have to feed her, bathe her, change her clothes, clean up her stool, and take her to many, many appointments for the rest of her life. This will be a true test of your love for this woman.” Upon hearing this news, Mr. Smith breaks down and starts sobbing uncontrollably. Just then, the surgeon smiles and pats him on the back. “Relax Mr. Smith. I was just fucking with ya….she’s dead.”
None. It's a hardware problem.
They've got plenty of wheelpower.
Iron Man. https://imgur.com/a/3eNDlNZ
When it becomes apparent.
But my girlfriend keeps insisting it says dyslexia
Outlaws are wanted.
Love means nothing to them.
The blacksmith returns to the forge as a cowboy walks into the shop and picks one up only to put it back down immediately. "Hot ain't they?" the blacksmith asks. The cowboy replies, "Nope. It just don't take me too long to look at horseshoes."
Jim and John wanted a drink real bad, but they barely had a euro between them. Jim had an idea. He bought a large sausage. They went into a pub and ordered 4 drinks each. Jim said, "Don't worry, I have a plan. I'll stick the sausage through my zipper & you go on your knees and put it in your mouth. The bartender will get mad and throw us out." They did exactly that, and sure enough, the bartender threw them out of the Pub. They then went from pub to pub, had free drinks, and each & every time, they were thrown out. By the time they got to the 10th pub, John said, "I can't do this anymore, I am drunk & my knees are killing me." Jim replied, "How do you think I feel.. I can't even remember at which pub I lost the Sausage!!
It be the best place to exchange stolen content for gold.
Because if they had 4 doors, they would be chicken sedans.
Edit : Mother of three.. Edit2 : Mother of two… Edit3 : Mother of one….. Edit4 : Mo.. Wait..
8yo cousin: To get to the idiot's house. Me (patronizingly): Oh..uh..yeah good one haha. 8yo cousin: Wanna hear another one? Knock knock Me: Who's there 8yo: The chicken.
Because they don't want to be spotted.
The barista told me it was fresh ground.
He said: “Suuuuureee YOU can!”
I think I'm infected with Mall-Wear
Because they are ice-o-lating
My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon 5 years ago, but still has not been awarded a gold medal.
China refuses to acknowledge Ty won.
Because if they traveled over the bay, they’d be bagels
We’ll keep you updated as the story unfolds…
I prefer to see it as a plus
A dwarf walks into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass. The madam asks how she can help him. He says "I need a woman for mine has left me." The madam says "Whatever for? And what are the honeycomb and jackass for?" The dwarf says, "my wife found a genie that could grant her three wishes. For the first wish she asked for a house fit for a queen, so he gave her this honeycomb, the second wish she asked for the nicest ass in all the land, so he gave her this Jackass. The madam then asks "what about the third wish?" "She asked the genie for my cock to hang down past my knee." "That's not so bad." "Not so bad?" Spluttered the dwarf "I used to be 6 foot 3!"
‘You wanna pizza me?’
It was cooked in Greece
Astronaut 2: In space, no one can. Here, use cream.
Through the engineers.
Damn things bounce all over the place
Boy, do I have some news for her.
i’ve never had beef with any of them
It might take me a minute to get hard, I just got laid this morning.
…so I stopped seeing her for a little while.
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying: "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?" Sherman said: "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" Johnny said: "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner."
At least he likes at least one thing raw.
I'm sorry, I just am
He'll be the first mumble rapper to finish his sentence
Because if it was served warm, it would be just water