I can do it all over without a doubt
Just ignore it, it’s spam.
I'm calling it "making the little things count"
When I was younger I threw a boomerang and it went super far and out of sight. I always wondered where it went
and then it hit me (i posted this in r/dadjokes like 5 minutes ago but it fits here too)
I hate making decisions based on stereotypes.
The lawyer said, “You don’t seem to have too much of a case.”
"Stop shaking the ladder you little shit!"
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?” She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston." He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business at this convention?” “Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.” “Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?” “Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.” Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.” “Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba".
Outlaws are wanted
For example : airport security
I wonder if it's my wife or my girlfriend.
Because calling him Master Vader made all the Stormtroopers giggle.
A lifetime ban from the petting zoo.
There are actually tons of hot singles in my area, But none of them are interested in me.
He won the 'no-bell' prize."
I haven't heard from him since.
So you can Scandinavian.
Apparently my property line isn’t where I thought it was.
That shit was nuts!
According to Beijing, it's as calm as a June Summer's day in Tiananmen Square.
You can say he's bull-headed.
My wife asked if I needed help to clean it up. I said don't worry it's nacho problem.
Dragon 1: It’s a bit hot in here Dragon 2: Shut your mouth
Orders everyone around.
Because they lactose.
She was seeing other people
During the exam he said it's not unusual to become aroused or even ejaculate ……. But I still wish he hadn't
They haven’t done anything!
…a little get-together.
A dictatorship =3
A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.
One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!" The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion." The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child."
A kiss will make your day, but anal will make your hole weak.
These are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean.
Credit my uncle, who is an uncle joking but not making uncle jokes. A dad-joker but not my dad.
they called it a day
Because "almost underage" sounds a bit creepy.