I can here my maga-loving aunt laughing right now.
Let’s go play on our bikes.
You knock on the door.
He wakes up in the hospital with the nurse right next to him. The guy asks if he'll be ok, and the nurse replies with yes. The nurse asks "You'll need to pay for your stay here, which comes to about 20 grand. Do you have enough money?" The guy replies "No, unfortunately, money is tight for me." The nurse asks "well do you have any relatives that could help you pay?" The guy says "No, my only living relative is my sister. She's an un-married nun." The nurse interrupts and says "Actually, nuns are married to God." The guys goes "Ok then, send the bill to my brother-in-law."
Yes we arson
Because they weren't paying him a good enough monthly celery.
It was then I realized my life was a joke.
P. Without it they're irate.
While filling my car up i noticed a woman smoking while filling her car up, silly thing to do but I know better than to confront strangers about their stupidity. I see 2 cops on the other side of the street, they can see her but they aren't doing anything about it… tax dollars in action I guess. As I am going to pay I hear this screaming behind me, like "I am dying" type screaming. I look around and see that this womans arm is on fire! She is literally running around the station waving her arm in the air! The cops jump into action and put the fire out, then arrest and handcuff her! I think this is a bit harsh and that the woman should be going to the hospital, not jail so I ask one cop why are they arresting her. The cop replied, "For waving a firearm in public"
That sail has shipped.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
You will have the rest of your life to try and fix it.
Because the trees can speak for themselves
A Mexican magician said that he could disappear on the count of three. He started counting, “Uno, Dos…”
But then he disappeared without a Tres….
Those that understand binary and those who dont.
I told him to stop discriminating against other cultures.
Which was owned by William Shakespeare Since he chewed it now I can't say if it is 2B or not 2B
It was tense.
Why does Batman wear dark colors? Thats easy, Batman doesent want to get shot. Why does Robin wear bright colors?
Thats easy… Batman doesent want to get shot.
I said, “What’s going on?” “You tell me?” replied my wife. I said, “I don’t know, you’re sitting on the sofa with a stranger.” “A stranger, hey?” shouted my girlfriend, “I’m no stranger, we’ve been having sex for six months!” I looked at my wife and said, “Is this true?”
I said "where are you going?" He replied "Fancy dress party" "What as?" I asked "Tortoise" the man shouted back "Who's she?" I questioned To which he responded "That's Michelle"
He was pulled in by a strong currant.
I was speechless…
Around the world in eighty days.
They don’t make them like they’re going to anymore.
It was just lowercase.
She said "Fuck you." So I'm pretty excited for 2020.
Funny thing is, I don't remember giving her permission to speak.
He woke up
Apparently "No it's just you" wasn't the right answer.
"that makes two of us"
Denim denim denim Denim denim denim
LEEKS. (my 10yo told me this – he said he thought it up himself.)
Wait until you sea mine