I can never remember the Roman Numerals for 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500…
SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. What you may not know is that Tuba is also an acronym…
For Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus
My brother works for my band, helping me fix and replace parts of my drums.
He re-cymbals me, too.
Make sure your duck is not a banana
Kinda true not gonna lie
Looking for hot singles in your area? Or maybe tens or twenties?
Check out Tender!
More sad than funny but still true
Says one spice to another
Can you please leave some RAM for other resources
A patient bursts into his therapist’s office and shouts, “Doc, you gotta help me. I keep dreaming that I’m trapped in a deck of cards!”
The therapist turns from his current patient and says, "I'm busy now. I'll deal with you later."
oh!! the nepotism all over the place🤔😅
Take your pick.
My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer
Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.
My kid asked me, “Dad, what are condoms used for?”
I said, “Usually to avoid answering questions like these.”
Because only boomers are busy apparently…
Me and my mates are in a band called Duvet.
We’re a cover band.
Desperate times indeed
Some people are really worried about getting trapped in a cave full of minerals
but to me that's just a minor problem
Why did Karen press ctrl + alt + delete?
She wanted to see the task manager
Everything comes with a price!
What did Kim Jong Un say on his death bed?
My Korea is over
I got like 10 memes on how scratch sucks
I got a dog from the blacksmiths the other day…
As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door.
Hard to hit the gym when all the gyms are closed 😔😔
A Spanish magician told everyone he would disappear.
He said "uno, dos…" and then disappeared without a tres.
New house door sign
There’s no money for the poor, only for the rich
So, A Pirate goes to the bar and he has a Steering Wheel sticking out of his Crotch
So the Bar tender says “Hey man, whats with the wheel?” so the Pirate tells him “Arrrr, its Drivin’ me nuts!”
Defender of the Second Amendment…
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying
Are you having a crisis?
It’s been good. See you all on the other side.
The perfect programmer
Posted from my mom’s bestfriend on Facebook.
Beauty of AI
My dad once told me that jacking off too much can make you go blind
Then I said "Dad, I'm over here."
How do you think Greta must feel with all this
My wife told me that I had to choose between our relationship and my career as a reporter.
I have got some news for her.
If you yell, “Encore!” at the end of a drum line performance…
… be ready to deal with the re-percussions.
The absolute state of our country
My teacher told me to turn in my essay…
But I ain’t no snitch.
Should’ve thought of this before we had our primary on Tuesday!
I called the tinnitus help line
It kept ringing
How do you clean up after a spitroast sex?
With 2-in-1 shampoo.
Glad you are loving ur kids Karen
Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get a Christmas present?
Because the rest of the letters were not-E.
Official ISO C++ FAQ on global variables
That will leave a mark
Pseudoscience in a nutshell
Don’t forget the last four years come November.
I know you laughed
Glad y’all can retire.
When Karen starts learning regex
Welcome to 2019 conservatism!
The time has finally come 😌
My grandma strikes again (young people in 90′. Young people in 2020
Just manager things..
Funny at first, but when you start to think about it…
How dare they tarnish Calvin and Hobbes
The secret service doesn’t yell “Get down!” anymore when the President is about to be attacked.
They now yell “Donald, Duck!”
I’ve just been stopped in the street by a lady conducting a survey.
She asked me what i knew about dwarfs…….I said "very little."
A vegan said to me that people who sell meat are disgusting
I said well yea, but people that sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.
My gf tried to persuade me to have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic
I refused. If I'm going to have sex with her, it's going to be on my own Accord
tis only downhill from here…
It ain’t much but it’s honest work
Why haven’t aliens visited yet?
They checked the reviews of our solar system and only saw one star
I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of her chapstick this morning
I think she's mad, because she still hasn't spoken to me.
Based on an uneducated audience and a poor health care system.
I lent a girl my umbrella yesterday
now the amount of girls I made wet this year is -1. 🙁