I CAN
Joker to Batman: “Hey Batman, wanna hear a joke?”
"Yeah sure." Joker: "Ok, parental love". Batman: "I don't get it.." "exactly."
The seminar “How To Avoid Frauds” is cancelled…
Tickets are non-refundable…
A policeman stops a car…
Policeman: Whos car is this, where are you taking it and what do you do for a living? Miner: Mine
just stole a tesla
now it’s called edison
What’s the worst part of working for the department of unemployment?
When you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
Did you hear about the mechanic that was caught having sex with car parts?
He got off with a suspension.
Why was 10 traumatized?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
As an immigration officer, I may not always agree with you.
But I can see where you are coming from.
I just watched a program about beavers
It was the best dam program I've ever seen
My grandpa destroyed 12 German planes during WW2.
He was, without a doubt, the worst mechanic in the history of Luftwaffe
I’m not going to bed tonight.
Hopefully I won't get locked up for resisting a rest.
Jeff, a semi colon, and an Oxford comma walk into a bar.
They both have a good time.
At first, I wasn’t so sure about keeping a beard, but
It has grown on me
ation.
https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/ap9gqf/i_have_a_phd_in_procrastin/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app
We should have known communism wouldn’t work
There were so many red flags.
What’s the longest word in the dictionary?
Smiles. Because there’s a mile between the two S’s.
I’ve opened a barber shop for rabbits.
We only do hare cuts.
What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
People in Dubai don't like the Flinstones but people in Abu Dhabi dooooooooooo!!!!
To the guy who invented zero,
Thanks for nothing.
Why is an island like the letter T?
because it’s in the middle of water
The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey, that he entered it in the race again and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS. This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey. The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The Bishop fainted. He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farm for $10. The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10 This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day. The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . . even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and just cover your own !!! You'll be a lot happier and live longer!
On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate paid for a visit to a herbalist living nearby, who was rumoured to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After some discussion with his wife, the man made a visit to the herbalist and handed his voucher over wondering what he was in for. The elderly herbalist handed a potion to the man, and with a grip on his shoulder warned him. "This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want." Greatly encouraged, the man turned and started to walk away, then stopped and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?" The herbalist replied, "Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,' but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon." Eager to see if it worked the man went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?" And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition because we could end up with a dangling participle.
I believe that it is time for all the world’s countries to come together and create one universal currency
I mean it's just common cents