I can’t find my “Gone in 60 seconds” DVD
It was here a minute ago
At least he told us to be positive.
My girlfriend and I had sex a couple of days ago. She looked at me and said, "Turn the light off and stick it in my butt". I guess I should have waited for the bulb to cool off first.
In case I get a hole in one
My girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.
An ambulance! He's got a car on his head!
He does as instructed. Wife: now take off my blouse…. He does it.. Wife : now take off my skirt…. He does it. Wife : now take off bra. He does it. Wife : now take off my panties.. He does it.. Wife : Now don't you ever wear my clothes again.
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I smiled and said, "America."
Minecraft has taught me not to look tall black guys in the eye or they get aggressive. They're faster and stronger than you and they randomly steal things. However, you can escape by running to water–they can't swim.
Dad: "I think you mean May I"
If any of you have roommates that you love to death, please don't watch this video. For those of you who have those roommates that drive you up a wall and you are questioning your sanity on a daily basis, please watch this video. Video Link: https://youtu.be/ec2giEHgg4I
Its just something I could see myself doing
It May, Fri 10 you
Two scientists are playing Minecraft. One is new to the game and doesn’t know much about it. At some point, he crafts a pickaxe, but doesn’t know what to do with it, so he asks the more experienced scientist. Scientist 1: Bro, what should I do with this pickaxe that I crafted? Scientist 2: Br.
But I'm still not 100% shore
There's too much sax and violins
12 years old and mixed up with coke. Disclaimer: This is just a joke. I do not condone the practice of mixing whiskey with coke.
A so-be-it union.
He orders a bear.
I gave him a glass of water
…but Quasimodo has a hunch.
Remains to be seen
It’s always the centre of a tension.
What is the pirates favorite part of the house? The back-yarrrrrghd! He was very proud of this joke and wanted to know if it was a good pun.
Cut off its nose.
It runs in my jeans.
1.) Your time with them Is brief so treasure it. 2.) They LOVE chocolate.