I can’t stop laughing at this 🤣🤣
Caveman discovers fire Stone age begins
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…. when I thought "not only does my son have a really stupid name, he´s also a terrible driver"
They all jump into the life boats, but due to the weight, the life boats start sinking as well. The doctor exclaims “Save the children!” And begins to jump out of the lifeboat. The lawyer grabs the doctor and pulls him back stating “Screw the children!” The priest says “Do we have time?”
And boy are my arms tires
Because they can’t keep a straight face.
A man is sitting next to a woman who is trying to breast feed her baby on the bus. The baby refuses to eat and the mother warns, "If you don't eat I'll give it to the man next to me." The baby refuses. After 20 mins the mother repeats the threat. The man clears his throat and says, "Hey woman, you better make up your mind. I was supposed to get off the bus 6 stops ago!"
Simple, put it in water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it floats, buoyant.
An 8-year-old choir boy catches the priest masturbating. He said, "What are you doing father?" "It's called masturbating," the priest replied. "You'll be doing this soon." "Why father?" he asked. "Because my wrist is killing me," the priest replied.
I haven't cleaned it, but I have had time.
He doesn’t want to be spotted
I don't know why. I just took a few days off.
And only a handful of Herpes cases was Clinton's
In a Cracker Barrel.
Because theyre not self-centered.
By then he’s a mile away, you have got his shoes, and your can fucking say whatever you want about the cunt.
He was delighted.
In 1969, in the months leading up to the Moon landing, the Apollo 11 astronauts trained in a remote moon-like desert in the western United States. One day as they were training, the astronauts came across an old Native American. ‘What are you doing here?’ the old man asked. ‘We are here as a part of a research expedition that will very soon travel to explore the Moon!’ ‘The Moon?! Hmm… could you then do me a favor?’ ‘What do you want?’ ‘Well, the people of my tribe believe that holy spirits live on the Moon. I was wondering if you could pass an important message to them from my people.’ ‘What’s the message?’ The man uttered something in his tribal language, and then asked the astronauts to repeat it again and again until they had memorized it correctly. ‘What does it mean?’ asked the astronauts. ‘Oh, I cannot tell you. It’s a secret that only our tribe and the moon spirits are allowed to know.’ The astronauts were intrigued with the secret message, so when they returned to their base they searched and searched until they finally found one Native American who could speak old man's tribal language and translate the message. When they repeated the message they had memorized, the translator started to laugh his ass off. ‘Why are you laughing man, what does the message say?’ 'It says – Don’t believe a single word these people are telling you. They have come to steal your lands.’
Because a lot of people can't seem to get over it.
When they get older, two of them become adult knees.
My ex got hit with a bus and I lost my job as a bus driver.
Digging giant tunnels underground.
His friends described him as a warm and pulpy man who loved his wife and pelicans. He will be deeply pooped.
Therapist: Why ? Patient: Yes!
When it happens, though, nobody is shocked.
I dont know why it wasn't cremated with the rest of him?
It was a draft, so he easily dodged it.
To start I post this here because it’s the only place I could find that would have a hight scientist reader base an not required required it to be a scientific paper but here we goThey are safer that standard lab coats as the protect more of the bodyThey are more sanitary! minimising contact between your clothing and possible pathogens as well as chemicalsThey look 100% cooler, lab coats are cool but the Howie pattern is fuckin awesome, it also looks way more sci-fi, and if we’re gonna be living in the future might as well look it
Because they lactose
Last week a friend of mine was wearing a condom, when the women’s husband came home and shot him dead
It was a booby trap
Last time I was on a flight, the stewardess approached me and asked, “Sir, would you care for a drink?”
I asked her, “what are my options?” She said, “yes or no.”
I said, "no kidding?!"