i can’t stop laughing
Pearl Harbor might have been an accident.
I can always count on them.
So when they come into port, they can scan-da-navy-in
Is it now traffic jam
I said maybe-
I want the best bang for my buck
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station. "I have an interesting case here " he says "A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped". "Have you arrested her ? " asks the sergeant . "No not yet the floor is still wet"
It cheers me up and; 2. She still thinks I'm digging a pond. [Note: Not my joke, but made me chuckle]
He’s a small arms dealer.
Like bro you were there wtf
Best dam movie I've ever seen.
He is really hardcore about his mashed potatoes.
I have no idea who let her into my office.
People are dying to get there.
The mirror: you should see yourself right now The echo: meh, I've heard it all before.
I do it to remind myself why there is no money in there.
The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?" Cashier: "Because you're ugly."
Yet they haven't. I don't geddit.
These two guys at the golf course were talking about their blood sugar levels, while they prepared for their opening shots.
Silence fell as they put their stands in the grass, and when I looked closer at these stands I saw the design of them. Yellow and black, with wings attached to the sides. "Those stands are hideous," I said out loud, but neither of them heard me. I think they had dire bee tees.
You’ve probably never heard of herbivore.
-I want 20 black bras size 85 D. The Jew: -Of course, but black is rare color, so their price is 15$ for each one. -It does not matter, said the Chinese, -I'll pay. He took the purchase and left. After a week the Chinese returns again. -I want 30 black bras size 85 D. -Yes, of course, said the Jew, -but it's so hard to get them, so now their price jumped to $25 for each one. -It does not matter, I'll pay. said the Chinese, paying for the purchase. A week later, he comes again to the Store Jew. -I want 100 black bras size 85 D! -Yes, but their price has jumped a lot, the Jew said, -it is extremely difficult to deliver them; Now they are 55$ for each one, -It does not matter, I'll pay, replied the Chinese. As the jew packed the order, angry with curiosity, he asked: -Excuse me, but can you tell me what do you do with so many bras? -I cut them in the middle and sell as Jewish caps for 200$.
Having to clean the monitor.
Because of the coffin.
Terrorist organisations take responsibility for their actions.
Must be the high Mercury content.
She wanted to see the task manager
Trump’s being driven through a backroad out to the White House one night when suddenly, the car lurches to a halt. The driver explains that a pig from a nearby farm wandered onto the road and he hit it. Trump is a bit annoyed, but tells the driver, "Just go to their house, tell them you're my driver, and apologize." A while later, the man returns, seeming incredibly satisfied. Trump asks how the family reacted, but the driver said they seemed in good spirits and even gave him some of their dinner. Back on the road, the driver hits another pig that wandered onto the road. He goes and tells the farmer's family, but when he comes back, he says the family was overjoyed and gave him a bottle of liquor. The driver hits a third pig that was on the road, but this time, Trump secretly follows him to see why the people would be so happy. When the farmer comes to the door, the driver announces, "I'm President Trump’s driver, the pig is dead!"
"You've got the wrong person," I replied. "So you didn't sleep with her?" "No, I did. I'm just saying you need a new girlfriend."
You don’t need make-up. Aww, that is so sweet of you! You need plastic surgery.
I'm on season 6 so far, but not sure what its got to do with security.
He was having an eggs and stencils crisis.
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
A cowboy sees a bunch of American Indians on the horizon and thinks: ”I’m fucked…”, but a voice in the back of his head says: ”Not so fast! Kill the chief!!!”
''What?! Why?'' – thinks the cowboy. ''Just kill the chief!'' – says the voice. The cowboy hesitated a bit more and than drew his gun and shot the chief. As the chief was falling from his horse the voice in the cowboy's head said: ''Now you're fucked…''
I just needed an outlet.
Because he conditioned it
you're part of the precipitate.
It was 10 years ago today that my best buddy Dave came running out of the room shouting “ it’s a boy!” with tears tears streaming down his face….
….We never went back to Thailand since!
They love anything that's 15% off Just a joke lol please don't kill me with the downvotes