I did!

What is an archeologist
Someone who’s career is in ruins

What is this, some kind of Boomer joke that I’m too Millennial to understand?
https://ift.tt/2H77fSO
What do you call a black man with a bullet wound?
An ambulance. You call him an ambulance.
Three priests gathered together for a drink .
During their get together ,the hoast ask the other two : How do you split your money with the Lord ? "I draw a line on the floor in my church ,then ,i throw the money in the air ,whatever is on my side I get to keep ,whatever falls on his side he keeps it" sais the first priest. The second one replies "well I draw circle and then I' throw the money in the air ,whatever falls inside the circle is mine ,whatever Falls outside the circle is His" . "How do you split your money ?" they both ask the host priest. I' just throw the money in the air and he keeps whatever he wants.

It’s understandable. He’s not used to not getting his own way all of the time.
https://ift.tt/3c8cfUm
What is the tallest building in the world?
The library,it's got the most stories
I get aroused when I erase pencil drawings
In fact, I think I'm gonna rub one out
The nicest thing you could ever do for someone is define the word “bargain”.
It means a great deal.
The only person Trump ever hired who was actually qualified to do their job was Stormy Daniels
Now you know who the best people are
How do you tell the difference between a chemistry professor and a politician?
Just ask them to read this word: unionized.
Donald J. Trump walks into a bar…
and lowers it
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender “I’ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank you”. “Sure thing” the bartender replies and asks “but what’s with the big pause?
” The panda holds up his hands and says “I was born with them”
I got bored watching the earth turn…
So after 24 hours, I called it a day!
Well, to be Frank, i’d have to change my name
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Anti vaxx joke
When little Timmy went to school and mastered one to nine, he thought the other kids were cool and every class Devine. He painted shapes red and blue and he drew in curves and bends. And when the day was over he made 100 friends! I’m Pals with Pete Mike and Max he told his pa with pride, but Timmy’s folks were anti-vaxx and then he fucking died.
6:30 is the best time on a clock
hands down
A man answers the door and sees two police officers standing there.
Officer: I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been in a horrible car accident Husband: But she has a great personality.
I’ve done some terrible things for money.
Like getting up early to go to work.
A Jewish girl asked for my number
I told her we use names now.
Why are leopards so bad at playing hide and seek?
Because they're always spotted.
What did the maid request when asked to make the wood furniture sparkle?
"We need more lemon pledge"
Oh Grandpa
An out-of-breath 7 year-old girl ran up to her grandfather, who was tinkering in his workshop, and confronted him with the universally dreaded (by adults) question, “What is sex…?” He was surprised she’d ask such a question at her age, but thought if she’s old enough to ask, she’s old enough to get a straight answer. He wouldn’t shirk his responsibility. Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to describe for her all the variations of human sexuality he could conjure, careful to impress upon her the joys and responsibilities of intercourse and procreation. When finally Grandpa was done pontificating, the little girl stood frozen, as though nailed to the spot, and looked at him with her mouth open, eyes wide in amazement. Seeing she was overwhelmed, he asked what caused her sudden curiosity. His granddaughter shook off her reverie and replied, “Grandma says dinner will be ready in a couple of secs.”
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Look for the Fresh Prints
I hate jokes that rely on visual imagery…
I’ve had it right up to here with them!
What’s the cheapest meat? Deer balls.
They're under a buck.
I bought some sneakers from my drug dealer
I’m not sure what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day
When I was a kid, my parents would always say, “Excuse my French” after a swear word…
I’ll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French…
People tell me that my phone is more powerful than the computer that put astronauts on the moon.
Yet when I use my phone to navigate it will tell me to turn when there is no turn. But I guess it makes sense since there aren’t a lot of turns between Earth and the Moon.
Uh oh-Where did the hacker go?
I don’t know, he ransomware
My daughter wanted a bouncy castle for her birthday. The guy said the rental was $50 and the set-up fee was $1000 dollars. I said, “That’s outrageous!”
He just shrugged and said, “That’s inflation for you.”