I didn’t get the problem until the hilarious bottom part of the picture
You never turn your back on your family.
…jeeze I was young back then.
They all jump into the life boats, but due to the weight, the life boats start sinking as well. The doctor exclaims “Save the children!” And begins to jump out of the lifeboat. The lawyer grabs the doctor and pulls him back stating “Screw the children!” The priest says “Do we have time?”
… because Dawn is tough on Greece.
you throw him into the mainstream
She ordered a Black coffee, I quickly apologized to the barista and said, "I'm sorry she meant to say an African Americano."
I should probably take something for it. Edit: thanks for the gold kind stranger
You can hide, but you can't run.
He replied, "it's basically a small oak tree, in a nutshell."
We got a long well.
My dad died last year when my family couldn’t remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him
As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him
the white house will become forbiden
People seeing it for the first time usually laugh. And those who have seen it before get mad that they’re seeing it again.
A young boy is doing his science homework, and asks his dad for help. "Dad, whats the difference between Theory, and Reality?" "Well," says the Dad. "I'll tell you what. Go ask your sister if she would fuck the man who lives next door for $500,000." So the son goes upstairs and returns a few minutes later and says to the Dad, "She said she would." "Ok son. Now go ask your mother the same thing." So the son runs into the kitchen, and asks his mother. A minute later he returns and says "She said she would too." "Well then. In theory, we're sitting on $1,000,000 here. In reality, we live with a couple of whores."
When it becomes aparent.
But it’s definitely up there.
That’s how I roll.
You have my Word.
They're full of shit.
I just made a list of my top 10 favourite Dad jokes. The first 9 are great but the last one is an absolute cracker
1) great 2) great 3) great 4) great 5) great 6) great 7) great 8) great 9) great 10) An absolute cracker
When I was little, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive..
It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
But oral sex? That's just a matter of taste.
Clearly did a good job, because I didn't care
Apparently my property line isn’t where I thought it was.
I was delighted.
While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn’t seem amused…
I guess it was the delivery!
The bartender asks "Is this a joke?"
I never listen. Something else…
Son: No, we can all still see you.
When I asked for nuns?
It was a horrific end, but a lovely finish.
Let’s meet up and share a joint.
He used HeHelium
Because they’re good at it.