I dig, you dig, he digs, she digs we dig, they dig.
It’s not a very long poem, but it’s pretty deep.
A screenshot of a SCREENSHOT of a boomer meme that arrived in my inbox this morning
https://ift.tt/399tpzc
I met a cow who really didn’t want to pay
I guess you could call him a cheap-steak.
The lockdown is getting to me…
Now, when I see a nurse in a porno, I stand up and clap.
Qassem Soleimani is so popular today.
I mean he just blew up overnight.
My friend threw sodium chloride at me!
THAT'S A SALT!
I told my son people keep accidentally pleading for me to purchase meat for them. He asked, “By mistake?”
I shouted, “Oh come on! Not you too!”
I hope Elon Musk never gets involved in a scandal
Elongate would be really drawn out.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner.
They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
This is my horse, Mayo.
Friend: why did you call him that, he’s not even a white horse? Mayo: [neighs]
If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome…
I guess now it's clear why everybody calls me handsome.
Very few people know about the first ever female vegan
Nobody has heard of herbivore
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
For hispanic attacks.
![[X-post] political humor](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/8gmk12ef78v41-400x324.jpg)
To be Frank, I’d have to change my name.
No text found
My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex for my birthday…
I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
My daughter really changed a lot after becoming a vegan.
It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, “How can I stop my addiction?”
"Whatever means necessary," she replied. "No it doesn't." I said.
TIL Mr. T’s grandmother was a pirate…
Her name was Mae T
50 shades of grey
#4e5054, #272727, #282828, #292929, #2b2b2b, #2c2c2c, #2e2e2e, #313131, #323232, #343434, #353535, #373737, #393939, #3a3a3a, #3c3c3c, #3f3f3f, #404040, #424242, #444444, #454545, #474747, #484848, #4a4a4a, #4b4b4b, #4d4d4d, #4e4e4e, #505050, #515151, #535353, #565656, #575757, #585858, #595959, #5b5b5b, #5c5c5c, #5e5e5e, #616161, #626262, #646464, #656565, #676767, #6a6a6a, #6b6b6b, #6c6c6c, #6d6d6d, #6f6f6f, #727272, #737373, #757575, #767676, #777777, #7b7b7b, #7c7c7c, #7d7d7d, #7e7e7e, #808080, #818181, #838383, #868686, #878787, #888888, #898989, #8b8b8b, #8c8c8c, #8e8e8e, #919191, #929292, #949494, #959595, #979797, #9a9a9a, #9b9b9b, #9c9c9c, #9d9d9d, #9f9f9f, #a0a0a0, #a2a2a2, #a5a5a5, #a6a6a6, #a8a8a8, #a9a9a9, #ababab, #aeaeae, #afafaf, #b0b0b0.
Oedipus joke
Oedipus: Oracle, what’s going to happen to me? Oracle: you’re going to kill your father and marry joe. Oedipus: whose Joe?
How does a cowboy start his day?
He reboots
My wife sued for divorce because she said I couldn’t get an erection.
I had evidence to the contrary, but it wouldn't stand up in court.
What is the difference between Tatooine and Hoth?
On Tatooine you can find Mos Eisley. On Hoth you’ll find ice mostly.
My son’s math teacher called him average…
I just think he’s mean.
Which state has the smallest drink?
Minnesota.
A black guy in an library asked me where the colored printer was
I said "Sir, this is 2020. You can use any printer you want".
PresidentTrump is completely right about coronavirus treatment.
If you eat chloroquine phosphate, drink a pint of Chlorox, shoot-up rubbing alcohol, shove a flashlight up your ass, and crash on a tanning bed, you will never get Covid-19.
Which Witcher knows the answers to all questions?
Geralt of Trivia
I can’t believe I got a life sentence for a little insider trading
The judge called it "organ harvesting", but that's just semantics
Why don’t you breed an eel with an eagle?
It’s Eeleagle
A new business is opening and one of the owner’s friends wants to send him flowers for the occasion.
They arrive at the new business site and the owner reads the card: “Rest in Peace.” Understandably the owner is angry and calls the florist to complain. After he tells the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he is, the florist replies, “Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this. Somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, ‘Congratulations on your new location.’”
I was walking through a graveyard earlier today when I saw a guy squatted behind a tombstone. I said “morning!”
He replied “no, just taking a shit”
If abortion is such a mature subject,
why does it bring out people's inner child?
What keeps ants from getting coronavirus?
It's their little anty bodies.
Three high ranking Axis soldiers are about to be interrogated
One is a member of the Gestapo. One is an Imperial Japanese officer. And one is a Fascist Italian Commander. They are all sitting in their holding cell discussing what they are going to do when they get interrogated. The German says, "My superior German spirit and intelligence will make it impossible for them to break me." The Japanese says, "It is only through my undying devotion to the Emperor that I will be able to withstand their torture." The Italian says, "I'm fucked." The German is the first to be interrogated, and as he leaves they wish him luck. Nearly a whole day passes before the German returns to the cell, covered in bruises and blood. The other two ask him what happened. "Even my perfect genes could not protect me from their methods. I have failed my country," Next, the Japanese is up to be interrogated. 3 days pass and he returns to the cell. His eyes are both black, fingers broken, and body bruised and bloodied. "I have dishonored myself and my Emperor. When they release me, I must commit honorable seppuku." Lastly, the Italian is up, and he leaves already begging for his life. A whole week passes before he returns. Beaten nearly to death, he is carried in by 2 soldiers. One of the soldiers jeers, "I can't believe you guys broke instead of this dago." The other 2 are shocked. Amazed that this Italian could take their punishments and not break. They ask him how he did it. "I wanted to give in immediately, but I couldn't speak." "What do you mean you couldn't speak?" The others ask. "They tied my hands behind my back."
Lightbulbs do not make good meals.
But they're good for a light snack.
