I don’t even have anything clever to say for this one…
What do you say to a Jedi who stole your sicilian dessert?
"You owe me one cannoli."
What do you call a lazy Kangaroo?
A pouch potato!
I recently received a book with “do not read until the year 2030” written on the cover
But that’s a story for another time
Need an Ark?
I Noah guy.
When I become a lawyer I want to defend a penguin.
Just so I can say the words “Your Honor, clearly my client is not a flight risk.”
Harry Potter can’t tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate.
They're both cauldron.
they built different i guess
they built different i guess
What do you call a caveman that wanders around aimlessly?
A meander-thal.
Why do chicken coops only have two doors?
Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans.
Do you know I tell dad jokes?
He even laughs sometimes.
Chinese is a tonal language…
The word "ma" can mean either "mother" or "horse", depending on the tone you use. This can get you into all sorts of embarrassing situations. Like the time I inadvertently asked a man if it was okay to fuck his mother.
A weekly newsletter of unhinged email chains sourced from thousands of real boomers
https://boomer.email
What do short people in Minnesota like to drink?
A Mini-soda
Time
'What time is it?' 'Dunno, pass me that trombone and I'll find out.' Blows trombone loudly Someone shouts: 'WHOS THAT PLAYING THE TROMBONE AT 2AM!!?'
Why are circumsized penises so popular among Jewish girls?
They love anything that's 15% off Just a joke lol please don't kill me with the downvotes
The Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life!”
But John came fifth, and won a toaster.
How do you get a mouse to smile
You say Cheese!
Patient: I’m afraid of the vertical Axis.
Therapist: Why ? Patient: Yes!
What do you call a small mother?
A minimum.
An ego and a superego walk into a bar.
The bartender says “I’ll have to see some id”.
A Bartender walks into a bar.
*Bart's life flashes before his eyes as he's mercilessly shot four times in the chest*
“So is that a gun in your trousers or you are just happy to see me ?”
"Both , now get in the van ."
I went to the therapist after my phone died.
I just needed an outlet.
Diarrhea Awareness starts tomorrow.
Runs for 2 days.
My wife gets turned on by shopping
It seems she's buy-sexual
What do you call cheese that isnt yours..?
Oh sorry, Havarti told you this one?
I was complaining to my wife about our nonexistent sex life.
Zero fucks were given.