I don’t even know.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself
The Doctor asks the patient: “Does your head hurt?”
Patient: "Yes it does, doctor." Doctor: "Good, now are we vaccinating your child, or do I have to slap you again?"
Did you hear about the all-janitor baseball team?
They swept the finals
![[NSFW] Posted by an actual boomer on my facebook](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/mzradmnz4j441-400x325.jpg)
Pun enters a room, kills 10 people
Pun in, 10 dead
There’s quite a crowd at the lego store
They are lined up for blocks.
Yo mama so fat
Before she was buried the earth was flat
I love how earth rotates.
It really makes my day.
Did you know diarrhea Is hereditary?
It runs in our jeans
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool
I gave him a glass of water
I once swallowed a dictionary…
It gave me thesaurus throat I’ve ever had…
Does my thai girlfriend have a dick
Something inside me is telling me yes
My grandpa’s last words before he died was “Pints! Gallons! Litres!”
That spoke volumes.
A man and his wife are discussing what they think their son will be when he grows up.
“I have an idea,” says the father. He puts a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table. “If he takes the money, he’ll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey, he’ll be a wino, and if he takes the Bible, that means he’ll be a preacher.” So the man and his wife hide just before their son comes in the door, and watch from where they’re hiding. The boy saunters over to the coffee table. He picks up the ten-dollar bill, looks at it, then sets it down. He picks up the bottle of whiskey, uncorks it, sniffs it, then sets it down. He picks up the Bible, leafs through it, and sets it down. Then the boy takes the money and stuffs it into his pocket, grabs the whiskey, and walks off with the Bible under his arm. “Well, how do you like that!” exclaims the father. “He’s going to be a politician!”
A couple goes to a sex therapist..
A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" "We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied. "She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50…and I get $43 back from Medicare
I was at the zoo, and saw a baguette in a cage.
The Zookeeper said he was bread in captivity.
I’ve tried to use the word “mucho” when speaking with my Hispanic friends.
It really means a lot to them.
What do you call a priest that’s also a lawyer?
A father in law
Why don’t chinese kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they make the toys.
What’s the difference between USA and USB?
One connects to your devices and accesses your data and the other is a hardware standard.
Jokes about the weather can be funny…
To a certain degree.
Since Trump became president, the secret service hasn’t been allowed to yell “Get down!” when he is under attack…
Instead they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
