I don’t know who did it, but he is a genius
I am okay but, I think I dyed a little inside
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
Fifteen minutes later my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.
My dad didn’t beat cancer
A gallon of water. Butane is a lighter fluid.
Can you believe that? Lucky for him I was still up playing the tuba.
I went to ask my daughter: Where do you park when you visit the moon? (Originally I was gonna say at the parking meteor!) But straight faced she replies: Anywhere you can find space. Then she grinned… (she knew what she was doing)… space dad. get it? in space…. Totally out dad joked by my own daughter.
Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it…
(The punchline was removed from the universe)
and are followed by 'Batman!'
you woulda thought the whole thing was built on some Indian burial ground.
The only issue is I’m having trouble finding the right audience.
Mr. Bigger's baby because he's a little bigger.
A robber pulled a gun on the bank clerk and manager saying, “Give me all the money! I need it to set myself up in a trade or profession. You know, initial investment is needed to cover the overheads until my cash flow is established.”
The bank manager said to the clerk, “You’d better do what he says, I think he means business.”
“The Doctor will see you now.”
"What brings you here?" asked the host on my first day. I said, "My legs."
ba dum tss
You might think it be R, but his first love be the C.
In charge of the schedule Yoda was.
I arrived early at the restaurant last night. “Do you mind waiting for a bit?” The manager asked. “Not at all” I replied.
“Good, take these lasagnas to table 6” he said.
She can’t even