I find bone puns very
Humerus
guys pray for my friend. He told me he only believed 12.5% of the bible…
he said he's an eighth theist
Where do pirates get their hooks?
The second hand store.
any one who codes for games here ? i made a meme about it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUqYIzh3kAE
What do you call a wandering caveman?
A meanderthal.
A book fell on my head yesterday
I guess I only have my shelf to blame
My family was cracking up while eating eggs for breakfast this morning
They were great yolks
I’ve always wanted to swim in a ocean of soda.
It's my fanta-sea
Why is Kim Jong-Un so chubby?
Because he never had to run for his office
I don’t get any of these dad jokes in this community!!!!
I must not have Reddit right.
The Australians once killed a bunch of rabbits and proved this. Evolution be sick sometimes.
https://ift.tt/3bpzxoQ
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer
I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
One day left.
My father was ill and the doctor said he had only one day left to live. I was truly sad and was walking outside when I saw a wishing well. Taking my chances I threw in a quarter and wished his life would be extended. A r/jokes mod genie appeared out of the well and said " I hear your wish my son, and for everyday there is a new, fresh joke posted on r/jokes, your father will be granted another full week of life." His funeral is this Saturday.
Why was 11am afraid of 12am?
It hated the dark.
A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says “Make me one with everything”.
The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the trimmings, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it. The Buddhist asks “Where’s my change?” and the vendor replies “change must come from within”. A gun then extends from the Buddhist’s chest and he asks again. The vendor says “Whoa, man, where did that come from?” The Buddhist replies “This is my inner piece”.
My wife has a tattoo of a shell on the inside of her legs…
If you put your ear to it, you can smell the sea.
Mess up the formatting
How do you ruin a joke?
Any parent would agree. Made me laugh then I realised how true it was then it made me sad
https://ift.tt/31QHSfY
This might be my proudest dad joke so far
My daughter was meeting Daisy Duck at Disney world this morning and Daisy was signing her autograph book. I mentioned to the Disney cast member who was taking the photos that I didn't know that Daisy was left handed. The cast member said "Maybe she's ambidextrous" to which I replied "I think you mean ambiDUCKstrous".
If I had to rate our solar system,
I'd give it one star.
Ash used to be wood…
…but it was fired.
There is a new restaurant named Karma
It does not have a menu Because you get what you deserve
Just want to say fuck mosquitos and it’s in sight when I see one
Just want to say fuck mosquitos and it’s in sight when I see one
What’s the difference between a mechanic and a priest?
The mechanic waits til you've grown up to fuck you.
If you yell, “Encore!” at the end of a drum line performance…
… be ready to deal with the re-percussions.
I caught my son rubbing banana peels all over him. At first, I was worried. Then I realized it.
He was going to be all ripe.
Wife: I haven’t seen you use the bathroom all week
Me: No shit. I'm constipated.
Why is it called Almond milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called nut juice.
A straight tree and a gay tree lived next to each other for 60 years
The straight tree was always making fun of the gay tree. One evening a storm comes along and lightning hits the straight tree and it shatters into hundreds of pieces. The gay tree bust out laughing and says "look who's a faggot now"
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them
An elderly couple were watching a Discovery Channel special about a West African bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long.
When the black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 24 inches. Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked at him and said, "How about we try the African string-and-weight procedure?" The husband agreed and they tied a string and a weight to his penis. A few days later, the wife asked the husband, "How is our little tribal experiment coming along?" "Well, it looks like we're about half way there," he replied. "Wow, you mean it's grown to 12 inches?" "No, it's turned black."