I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length…
Must be some kind of milestone…
Eight, if you want to screw it completely.
He described a typical day this way: "Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes. I avoided standing on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills. I took a few 'leaks' behind some big trees. The mental stress of it all left me shattered. At the end of it all I drank eight beers" Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one hell of an outdoors man." "No," he replied, "I'm just a shit golfer.
If it sinks, it's a girl ant If it floats, it's buoyant.
But apparently all it does is change the color of the baby
Spread the news
I never get a straight answer.
You have my word
I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?" He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What denomination?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!" Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.
"Will you mirror me?" She was speechless.
It’s the only time I’m ever wanted
Me and my recliner go way back.
Then it hit me.
The bartender brings the drink and the beer starts whining. "My life is terrible, Nobody likes me, The world sucks." The bartender replies "it's all in your head."
A bad circumstance.
It took me thirty years to get here.
It’s time for Reddit’s Best of 2019 Awards.What a year it’s been here in r/politicalhumor, thanks to everyone for participating.Make your nominations here and/or upvote your favorites.You are welcome to categorize your nominations, i.e:Best PostBest CommentBest of YearOnly one nomination per comment. Please do not nominate yourself. You may only nominate submissions made in 2019.This thread is set to contest mode which sorts comments randomly and hides vote scores. In January, the votes will be tallied and a results thread will be posted. We will give reddit gold to the top submissions!
I fell in the mud. Wanna hear a clean one? I took a shower.
My dealer has now got some explaining to do.
Because property is theft
Boil the hell out of it.
Because they have a supreme ruler
He was given two consecutive sentences