I get all these boomer memes from one boomer…
Remains to be seen if glass coffins become popular
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Does anyone want to be in a platonic relationship?
I’m asking for a friend.
Do you want to why I get along well with short people?
It’s because they look up to me.
Finland have just closed their borders….
Which means no one can cross the finish line.
Today I actually saw a dwarf prisoner climbing down a wall
I thought to myself, “now that’s a little condescending”
A woman answers a knock at the door at 3pm and a man asks if she has a vagina
She slams the door, waits and watches the man leave. The next day, at 3pm once again, she hears a knock at the door and there stood the man once more. "Do you have a vagina?" The woman slammed the door in his face and watched him walk off through the blinds. Growing more disturbed, she told her husband, who decided to take the day off work in hopes of seeing the man and handling the situation. Sure enough, the next day at 3pm, there is a knock at the door. "That's him," the wife says. The husband tells her, "Open it. I'm going to hide. I want to see where he is going with this." The woman opens the door and the man asks, "Do you have a vagina?" After some hesitation, the woman answers, "Yes." The man then tells her, "Why don't you let your husband use it so he'll leave my wife's alone?"
The genie asked, “What’s your first wish?” Steve replied, “I wish I was rich!” The genie nodded and said, “What’s your second wish?”
Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"
They should stock ATMs better…
I went to 4 different ones and they all said insufficient funds…
Stolen, but proves that Boomers have become self aware, their humour knows no bounds…
https://ift.tt/3e90SO3
We’ll, we’ll, we’ll…
if it isn't autocorrect.
Why did the hipster fall in the lake?
He went ice skating before it was cool.
When you die, which body part dies last?
The pupils, they dilate.
I heard the atheists are trying to get tax exempt status now
they are a non-prophet organization
Who is Gaston?
The winner of the no Belle prize.
You ever hear the one about the bad meat carver?
Yeah me either, he couldn't make the cut.
If i had a dime for every time i didn’t understand what’s going on.
I'd be like: "Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?"
A man with 5 legs put on pants
They fit like a glove
Why did Bill Barr gas protestors?
So the chicken could cross the road
My wife told me vacation sex was the best…
Worst postcard ever.
Corona isn’t Trump’s fault. Ebola wasn’t Obama’s. SARS wasn’t Bush’s…
…and only a handful of cases of herpes was Clinton's.
What do young male Spanish cows call each other?
Moo-chachos.
The past, present and future walk into a bar
It was tense
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said:
Y'know, one would've been enough.
Last weekend I went to a dog zoo with my kids.
They only had one dog. It was a Shih Tzu.
How do you drown a hipster?
You throw him into the mainstream.
What makes gays and lawyers happy?
New mandates
An old man was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor’s kid walk by carrying something big under his arm
He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens." Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it. Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks." Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it. Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy says "It's a pussy willow." Old man says "Wait up … I'll get my hat."
Harry Potter could be a great mafia boss
He always catches the snitch
Did you know that I was once addicted to the Hokey Pokey?
But I turned myself around.
Two books meet in a Library. One says ‘ You don’t look too well ‘ and the other replies..
… Just had my Appendix removed.
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
He pasta way