I got mugged by six dwarves last night
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
Getting home to find they’ve forgotten one of your dishes. Riceless.
Because 7 ate(8) 9. But why did 7 eat 9? Because you have to eat 3 squared meals a day.
People started giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.
At least that’s what her diary said
"Not now," says Mummy. "Wait until Daddy gets home." So they wait until Daddy gets home, and then Mummy says "Now dear, what were you saying about Daddy and the strange lady?" And Daddy starts to say something but Mummy says, "You keep quiet – I'll be talking to my attorney in the morning. Carry on, dear." "Well," says the little girl, "Daddy told me to stay downstairs while they went upstairs, but I followed them without Daddy seeing me, and I saw them hugging and kissing at the top of the stairs. Then they went into your bedroom and shut the door, but I went up and looked through the keyhole." "Clever girl," purrs Mummy. "What could you see through the keyhole?" "I saw them hugging and kissing some more, and then they started to take each other's clothes off, and they carried on until they had nothing on, and then the lady got on the bed and Daddy got on top of her." "Yes?" says Mummy. "And then what happened?" "Then they did what you and Uncle Jack did when Daddy was in Vancouver last year," says the little girl confidently.
"Whom, sweetheart?" "Mike the mailman." "Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!" "But mom, age is just a number." "Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."
Something inside me says yes.
So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
She was devastated and kept asking me "Why didn't they want me?" I comforted her and after a while, still crying, she asked to make love with her, which led to more tears. On reflection, banging her from behind and shouting, "WHO'S YOUR DADDY", was little insensitive.
Well, I don't know where to begin.
I’m taking steps to avoid them now
African kids can't charge their phones either.
held a meeting with the cabinet today. He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the chest of drawers.
You take away its broom.
Her: Oh, cool! It's.. uh? Me: (proudly) It's my thermos! From work! Her: (reaching towards me) Well, uh, the line work is certainly.. Me: (slaps hand away) Don't touch the thermos tat.
The Chinese authorities refuse to recognize Ty Won.
Exactly where you left it.
It’s just how eye roll
400 Million dollars
Too much socky.
Him: I'm a soldier, on Call of Duty.