I got the words “jacuzzi” and “yakuza” confused…
Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia…
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So they can beat the crowds.
Smelmop Smelmop Who?
Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays.
Well she’s a real Paige Turner
It was very time consuming. Especially when I went back for seconds.
Acquaintance: Why the hell is he called Mayo? He’s not even white! Mayo: [neighs]
I told her, “Just you wait.”
I told her that makes two of us…
He went ice skating before it was cool.
But it was all in my head.
Last week a friend of mine was wearing a condom, when the women’s husband came home and shot him dead
Because you can't C in the dark
A Brothel Sprout
But it can't be that hard.
Then I could sleep longer.
One's a British WASP, the other is a USB.
Today, I lost my job as a bus driver… This world is too cruel for the kind hearted.
Sorry for the terrible pun, I just couldn't resist.
Everybody came.. You should have seen her face
I gave him a glass of water.
But I just can't see myself cleaning it
What’s up with dat!?
I’m gonna put my glasses on
Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror. "Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!" The wife, startled at her husband's violent reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter. "You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!" The wife, concerned by the status of her husband's mental state,forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs. "WE NEED BUTTER! Are you CRAZY??? Where are we going to get the butter? They're going to stick! HURRY!" The wife runs to the fri- "CAREFUL about the eggs! CAREFUL. You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them quickly! Oh not that quickly, don't you know how to cook? Are you insane? Turn the EGGS!" At this point, the wife starts crying, since she has no idea what to do. She gasps, "What is WRONG with you? I know how to cook eggs." The husband simply smiles and replies, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like while I'm driving with you in the car," and leaves.
because it’s in the middle of water
So I stopped and asked what had happened. Through the sobs, said said that she was due to go on holiday, but all the money she had been saving for months was gone. Feeling sorry for her, I decided to give her £50 to try and help a bit. It's not something I'd normally do, but I just found £2,000 in the car park
So what if it took 36 years and required me to become a mortician.
The bartender says we don't serve your kind here, The mushroom says, why not? I'm a "fungi"!?