I had no idea that you didn’t play airsoft that way
I said I wasn't ready for competitive wanking
Can’t say that I‘m surprised
Any more and it would be two farty…
I can really see myself doing that.
Because of all the coffin.
He smells coffee and bacon/eggs cooking.He staggers down stairs to find his wife making breakfast, the papers on the counter and a tall cool glass of water is in her hand for him. He stumbles over and takes the glass from her expecting the worst but she smiles and gives him a kiss on the cheek and tells him to relax and she will bring him his breakfast when it's ready. He timidly asked her….so what happened last night when I got home? Well you silly bastard, you got home absolutely shitfaced and couldn't even get undress to go to bed. When I tried to help you out of your clothes you shouted get your filthy hands off me you fucking whore….I'm married, than you passed out.
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Every time I have pessimistic thoughts, I put a dollar in…
It’s currently half empty…
Quick answers please.
129 bugs in the code.
I'd tell you, but you wouldn't really appreciate thr punchline with Reddit's default font.
is it still considered a beef?
I was in the library one day when a black man came up to me and asked me where the colored printers were.
I replied, "It's 2018, dude, use whatever printer you want."
Police are following a number of leads.
She knew how to carry The One
"No, he doesn't like to be disturbed at work".
Saw a fellow whose trolley was full to the brim with hand sanitiser, baby wipes, soaps, toilet paper; everything that people are in need of. I called him a selfish b*stard and gave him a lecture about the elderly and infirm etc. who need these types of things. Told him he should be ashamed of himself! He said: "That’s all good and well mate, but I work here, so can I carry on filling the shelves now?”
It's easy, if you make B leave.
But when I didn't pay he came back and repossessed my house
Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, “I’ll give you a reason to cry!”
I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
If you're one of those people, don't worry.
It was an ether / oar situation.
I thought “hmm, that’s a little condescending l”
No text found
It said "Parking Fine"
Who are they going to tell? Their parents?
Because one egg is un oeuf.
A television newslady is interviewing a horse that can tell whether a person is a homosexual or not. “Am I homosexual?” Asked the newslady. “Neigh,” said the horse.
The newslady turns to the camera and says, "you heard it folks. 'Straight' from the horses mouth."
So I always made sure I kept my distance from my teacher Mr Dickinson
Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog
Steve: "I wish I was rich!" Genie: "Okay, what's your next wish?" Rich: "I wish I had lots of money!"
He’s now Aware Wolf
You cut the ends and now you have endless bread. Courtesy of my 12 year old daughter.
"Make me one with everything."